“I hate you. I hate everyone. I want you to kill me. Someone needs to kill me. I don’t want to be alive anymore. Kill me now. What does blood taste like. I’m going to drink all my blood. You hate me you hate me you hate me. You don’t love me. Everyone hates me. I want to die”

Finn, Age 4 

Everything written above, was said by Finn, to me, in the span of 5 minutes this morning. This morning is our first back at OT and school since break. He’s been becoming more and more dysregulated through this holiday season. It makes sense, after all, we’ve been off schedule, off therapy, and really just off.

What is dysregulation? It is defined as the following:

“Dysregulation, also known as emotional dysregulation, refers to a poor ability to manage emotional responses or to keep them within an acceptable range of typical emotional reactions. This can refer to a wide range of emotions including sadness, anger, irritability, and frustration.”

The effects of dysregulation can be mild or severe, but in our case, as the holidays have come to a end, and as our normal schedule is supposed to resume, calling it severe is an understatement. In general, emotional dysregulation involves having emotions that are overly intense in comparison to the situation that triggered them. This can mean not being able to calm down, avoiding difficult emotions, or focusing your attention on the negative. Most people with emotional dysregulation also behave in an impulsive manner when their emotions (fear, sadness, or anger) are out of control.

As I sit here and write this, I begin to feel the guilt creep in. I know I handled this mornings outbursts poorly. I feel like I’ve  been stuck in a hurricane of my children’s volatile emotions, and that has slowly chipped at my patience. I struggled this morning, as I’ve been struggling the past 2 weeks. Struggled with screaming at the kids “why don’t you have shoes on yet? I’ve asked 48 times!” “We’ve got to go! We are running late!” “Can you please for the love of all things, just put on your dang coat?!? GUYS WE ARE RUNNING LATE!”

I know this sounds like a typical parents morning, but the majority of them don’t have 2 dysregulated children,  one of whom is taking turns playing dead on the ground with screaming back at you they want to die and hate everyone, while the other tries to hit you and screams “this is the worst day of their life” and slams doors/hits the walls.

I know when the adult is dysregulated, the chances of the kids getting regulated are slim to none. Typically my children rely on me to be their emotional regulator, so when I’m not regulated, utter chaos breaks out. We are all left drained. Empty. Sad. Disappointed.

I know it won’t be long until we are snuggling again, but it definitely takes longer for the pain from these moments to fade. However, I live for the good moments in between. I try to keep the memories of the happy and fun times in my head, as a balm to ease the tougher days.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy, but rather insight. To show those of you who struggle with mood disorders, either with yourself, child, spouse, etc, that you’re not alone. For those of you who don’t have this struggle, but who could use a reminder to give a little extra patience to the woman or kid who is a little short with you today.

The post “I Hate Everyone. Kill Me Now” appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

What Is Endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus causing chronic, debilitating pain and menstrual irregularities. It affects around 1 in 10 individuals during their reproductive years. That is about 176 million people worldwide and counting. Because endometriosis is a full body disease, it has the potential to spread to other places in the body outside of the reproductive organs such as the chest cavity, lungs, liver, kidneys, bladder and bowels. It has been found everywhere except the spleen.

Despite symptoms like crippling pain, fainting, vomiting, pain with sex, severe bloating/”endo belly”, bladder spasms, etc, the only way to officially diagnose endometriosis or adenomyosis is surgery. And no, surgery is not a cure. Many sufferers go on to have multiple surgeries because the disease often comes back. Even a hysterectomy doesn’t guarantee that endometrial tissue won’t start growing in places it’s not supposed to again.

To top that off, there is also a possibility of developing adenomyosis, the sister disease to endometriosis, which is when endometrial cells exist or grow into the uterine wall. Both physically AND mentally debilitating diseases, endometriosis and adenomyosis are listed in the top 10 most painful illnesses to have. Both diseases are still being researched and examined to find a definite cause. And while there are various treatments and ways to alleviate pain and symptoms, there is no cure.

Many people are unaware that there are three different types of endometriosis and there are four different stages (I-minimal, II-mild, III-moderate, and IV-severe). Although this is good information to know, no particular stage determines the amount of pain or symptoms an individual may experience at any given time. Women can go years undiagnosed, and still be a stage I or have milder symptoms and be a stage IV. The main issue with stages III & IV is how it impacts your fertility.

And this is where my journey begins.

My Endometriosis Saga

I was 31 when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I had been suffering for almost 3 years by the time of my diagnosis. This is my story of how endometriosis has impacted my life.

Prior to my issues starting, my periods were eerily predictable. Every 28-30 days lasting 5-7 days like clockwork. Then something changed. I feel like that change was triggered by using birth control. I remember my first incident- I had a period that lasted from April 27th until July 6th. Yes, you read that right- just over 2 months. At the beginning of July I decided to stop using my birth control and BOOM, my period stopped.

I made the decision to just try to track my periods and use the “natural planning” method for birth control to hopefully fix the issue. I started tracking my ovulation in August, buying a ovulation monitoring kit. I wanted to test daily over the next couple of months to figure out if I had a pattern or if it was going to still be as weird as it was when I was on birth control. My August period was barely there- basically 2-ish days of spotting then nothing. I figured I had already had such a long period that it was going to take some time to even out.

Toward the end of the month my LH numbers (what ovulation kits measure) slowly increased. I figured this was a “spike” and kept testing daily to see how long it would last. Imagine my surprise when after a week it still showed I was ovulating. Typically a surge only lasts 36-ish hours. On a whim I took a pregnancy test and walla! It was positive.

Quite frankly, I was shocked. Apparently my August “period” was implantation bleeding. I was scared, nervous, and cautiously excited. Sadly, before the end of September, I lost the baby.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I won’t go into details, but I ended up having to switch doctors and go through 3 procedures before my medical issues were fully resolved. We also had announced to family & friends, so having to reiterate the loss multiple times and be the recipient of sad looks felt like a punch in the gut each time. However awful those looks made me feel, it was worse when they didn’t “get” it. I still am haunted by a colleague who said “I don’t get why you’re still so upset. I mean you were barely pregnant, so really there wasn’t much to get attached to. Why not just move on and try again?”

That December, my husband & I decided to relocate to Atlanta. This ended up being one of the worst decisions we could have made. With no job, no support network, and unknowingly facing months of infertility, I started slipping into a deep depression-a depression I’m still fighting to overcome. I desperately wanted to become pregnant again, but my periods were becoming increasingly painful and unpredictable. I tried supplements, working out, etc- nothing worked. Each cycle yielded the same results: a negative pregnancy test. I became so bitter and haunted by the pain of those negative tests, that when a sweet friend told me about her pregnancy that following summer, all I said was “that’s nice” and walked away seething. I still feel guilty about how I responded years later.

I started working with an doctor in May, and by fall 2013 it was determined that I had endometriosis. We started the treatment/diagnosis process with a laparoscopic surgery. It was scary and unclear if this would solve my issues or if they would even find anything wrong. I remember being terrified that they wouldn’t find anything, meaning it was all in my head, or that they would find something that was even worse than endometriosis.

After surgery, I was diagnosed with stage III endometriosis. He went on to tell me that this is likely why I had been unable to get pregnant again and it could have even been the cause of my miscarriage. He also cautioned that if I was to get pregnant, that my chances of having a c-section or pregnancy complications would be higher.

Still, I pressed on. After a few weeks of recovery, I went back to the doctor. My hormone levels still weren’t ideal for conception, so I was given fertility treatments. The treatments had some miserable side effects, but I was determined to see it through.

The first round was a dud, however, the 2nd round looked much more promising- I had several follicles that were healthy looking and ready. I was visiting my mom that Christmas and came down with a nasty cold. It was still pretty early to find out if I was pregnant or not, but I decided to try a test *just in case*. There was the faintest barely there line. I wasn’t even sure it wasn’t my eyes playing a trick on me. We went to the doctor to get medicine and they gave me another test. It was still faint, but they confirmed it was an early positive. I was so excited I didn’t even care that I was sick. Sadly, Fredric wasn’t with me, (he had already gone back due to work), so for the second time, I had to tell him I was pregnant long distance!

I was nervous wreck after finding out this time. I didn’t want to wait until I was back with Fredric to do an ultrasound-I NEEDED to know immediately if this was a viable pregnancy. I made an appointment at a local office and went with my mother. Hearing Everett’s heartbeat for the first time was one of the most magical experiences I’ve ever had. Though hearing his heartbeat gave me reassurance, I still worried constantly. I kept thinking I would somehow lose him or he wasn’t going to develop correctly. This time I refused to share or post about the pregnancy until I was almost to my 2nd trimester. I insisted on extra/early testing, just to make sure he was healthy and that he was growing normally. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy by any means, and I’m pretty sure the anxiety I had developed over the last 2 years of loss & infertility has never completely gone away.

Moving Forward

During this journey the worry about endometriosis always hung over my head. It was like this horrible nagging voice that would rear it’s ugly head any time I thought about trying to have a baby again. Thankfully, pregnancy & breastfeeding usually reduces the symptoms and spread of endometriosis due to your lack of period and the increase in progesterone, so I had a nice break from dealing with it.

Despite waiting until the day the pain would come back and start tormenting me again, I was happy with Everett and decided that being “one and done” actually worked out perfectly for us.

In January 2017, I took a pregnancy test in solidarity with a friend who was worried she was pregnant. Apparently the fates decided that they weren’t done throwing us curveballs, so while her test was negative, mine was a resounding positive. This time I wasn’t “joyous.” I was unprepared and shocked with just how simple it was to get pregnant with Finn. I was scared- my pregnancy with Everett was hard. Everett was also starting to really show signs that something unusual was going on with him. I essentially spent the whole first and part of the second trimester not really acknowledging my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I went to appointments and didn’t “deny” my pregnancy, but rather, I didn’t “celebrate” it. I pushed forward full steam and eventually got my self to the point where I started spotting from overdoing myself. That spotting made me realize just how much I wanted another baby and how lucky I was that I didn’t have to suffer through another infertility cycle.

So What Now?

As of this morning, I was inspired to write this blog because my endometriosis is back. I had almost 6 years with “normal” periods thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding, but unfortunately, the excruciating pain and ridiculously heavy period is back. I would venture to say that my period is actually worse now than it was.

Oddly, my periods are following a more “regular” cycle length, though they can still vary from 27-40 days, they are typically around 31 days. However, the last few months I’m seeing an increase of what is best described as a “mini” period in between my “regular” periods. My bleeding gets so severe that I suffer from vertigo, iron issues, cold-like symptoms, and don’t get me started on the pain.

Oddly, or maybe thankfully, some of my periods are manageable, and I’m able to continue being a mom with the use of NSAIDs over the course of the first few days of my cycle. Some are much harder than that. All I’m able to do is get from the bed to the couch. These are the days that I’m especially thankful for Fredric. I know that I’ll likely need another one to two surgeries in the near future, which now that I’m a mother is even more scary.

I never wanted to be a woman with chronic pain. I certainly never wanted to be a mother with chronic pain. But I truly believe we’re all shaped by our experiences. The bad days help me appreciate the good days. My boys are learning how to be gentle with me when I’m feeling down-and seeing them learn to be nurturing is a reward on it’s own.

I’m just thankful that my good days still far outweigh the bad.

The post Motherhood Uncensored: Coping With Endometriosis appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

When most people think of skateboarding, their first thoughts are usually something along the lines of misfit teens, punk rock, or maybe even guys like Tony Hawk. What they don’t think about, is just how amazing skateboarding is for kids who need occupational therapy. Kids like Everett, who are on the autism spectrum. Kids like Finn, who need help with impulse control. So today I’m going to highlight the awesome benefits of skateboarding for kids with special needs.

Surprising Benefits of Skateboarding

From the time children with autism are toddlers, they are placed into Occupational Therapy which is needed to develop motor, proprioceptive, vestibular skills and more. Skateboarding offers nearly every component of Occupational Therapy, which is why many of these children “crave” to skateboard. It stimulates parts of their brain that trigger focus, hand-eye coordination, and more. Here are just a few of the health benefits:

• Coordination – Skateboarding improves hand, eye, leg and feet coordination. When skateboarding, you need to alter your movements so you skate smoothly and accurately.
• Pain Tolerance – Other sports improve your pain tolerance, but learning how to skateboard includes constantly falling, tripping, cutting your knees and elbows, etc. Believe it or not, this helps to improve your tolerance and build up resilience.
• Stress Relief – Stresses consume people, even kids, all the time. Skateboarding is an avenue to relieve some of those stresses or frustrations.
• Precision – Skateboarding takes a lot of precision to master. You are constantly adjusting weight from one direction to another, switching your speed, and, when good enough, perfecting tricks.
• Reflexes – This one ties together with coordination. When falling or stopping quickly, you need to have quick reflexes to brace yourself or prevent a collision from happening. You learn quickly that running into a railing is not ideal.
• Patience/Behavior Management– Skateboarding, like other sports, requires an immense amount of patience. You will not be the next Tony Hawk after your first time on the board. Falling countless times, missing that tricky bend, and hitting that awesome trick will test your patience time after time. When a skateboarder is having a bad day, annoyed with the world, feels like he could punch through a brick wall what does he do? He skateboards. Same as kids with autism, when their impulse control is almost lost, their anxiety is through the roof, and the screaming and crying is about to begin, break out the skateboard and you’ll find that it helps them work through their current behaviors.
• Social Development- skateboarding allows those who struggle with normal social interaction interact with peers on the level the individual feels most comfortable with.

Skateboarding offers many components similar to occupational therapy such as focusing on motor, vestibular and proprioceptive skills. Saturday skateboarding lessons are quickly becoming one of the boys favorite things to do. Both boys have a weak core and crave high impact activities. Everett has poor motor planning and balance issues, while Finn has poor impulse control and anger issues. Skateboarding is helping tremendously with both. Learning self/impulse control and behavior management is a huge part in why I decided to start the boys with lessons. And perhaps, most importantly, it’s also pretty freaking fun!

Skateboarding has had such a amazing impact on kids with autism that there are several nonprofits that have been created to help connect and introduce skateboarding to those the spectrum. There are even studies that have popped up specifically to research the correlation of brain activity and heart rate between autism and skateboarding. It’s even been approved as an acceptable form of occupational therapy in several states.

Hopefully, with these studies and nonprofits, skateboarding will no longer be looked at as a rebellious pasttime by those who don’t understand it and more funding would be available for using skateboarding as a therapy rather that funding just another information autism organization out there.

I know that right now, the boys have found an outlet they both love and I couldn’t be happier with their awesome teacher and their continued progress. I hope they continue to find joy in skateboarding and that the benefits continue to carryover into other aspects of their lives.

The post Skateboarding On The Spectrum appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

“I want to die. I don’t love you anymore and you’re not my friend anymore. I hate you.” These are about the last things you’d ever want to hear your child say to you, though you might expect it from an overly emotional teen. Unfortunately, I don’t have a teen and these words were screamed at me by my three year old, Finn.

Finn was recently diagnosed with ODD. ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder might be a term you’re not so familiar with. A quick Google search defines ODD as:  an ongoing pattern of behavior that is characterized by anger, irritability, as well as argumentative and defiant behavior towards those in authoritative positions. I’m guessing that sounds like every 3, 4 and maybe 5 year old out there to you, right?  Well, not so much.

If you go on to read further, this behavior can be something that kids only exhibit at home or at school, maybe not both. Also, it lasts for a long time, and happens quite frequently. More so than your typical child, even toddlers, as crazy as they are. And this is where I’d like share my story of being a mother to a child with ODD.

Donning My Armor

We’ve been dealing with the “I hate you’s” for a couple months now, but the “I want to die” is new, and it HURTS. Quite frankly,, living with and loving Finn is painful and hard. You have to develop a thick skin, or you’ll quickly devolve into tears. It feels akin to being in an abusive relationship- you never know what will trigger the next explosion, so you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

Before you rush to judgments and try to tell me that Finn “seems normal” or that he’s just “high spirted” so it clearly must be my parenting, I ask that you try to put yourself in my shoes. Raising Everett is tricky, but it’s nothing compared to Finn. Everett had clear issues that I was able to work with at home and therapy. He thrived once he started getting therapy, and unless you spend significant time with Everett, you may not even realize he’s on the autism spectrum. Finn is, for lack of better words, utterly chaotic.

I find myself dreading the simplest tasks with him. Taking him to a playground or friends house is a constant struggle. He manages to make EVERY SINGLE THING into a weapon. Sticks, blocks, trains, etc. I’m constantly waiting to see which child will be his next target. When he’s corrected, he frequently screams “I hate you” and I feel the eyes of other parents staring at me, silently judging.

Don’t get me wrong, he can be the sweetest and cutest child. He loves being snuggled by me and tells me the sweetest things about how much he loves me, but the second I say or do anything that upsets him, boom, the Finn bomb explodes with vitriol. I’m dodging toys while he screams insults at me, all because I asked him to do something simple, like pick up a toy.  And this goes on all day.  Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.

No matter how well I put together my emotional armor, he still finds a way to get through my cracks. I’m to the point where I’ve officially been emotionally beat down. The thought of doing anything with him fills me with anxiety. I dread the thought of him getting older and even more potentially violent. I worry constantly about his future and if we will get lucky and he’ll “grow out” of it.

Don’t get me started on the mom guilt side either…You think to yourself, “Gosh, I’m such a horrible mom, I dread the park because I can’t just let him play, what’s WRONG with me”? And then things are bad, and you cry.  And you feel so angry, and sad, and resentful.  And hurt. You’re so hurt, that the next time your child wants to be with you, hug you, love you, it’s hard.  Because you’re a human being with feelings, and it’s hard to let go.  So then, you feel guilty. You feel guilty that you resent this child that you do love SO much, but that you don’t feel like “liking.” And then you find yourself pulling away. Because you’re scared of those feelings. So, somewhere, in the back of your psyche, subconsciously, you pull away.  Shut down. Try not to feel because it’s too much. You feel alone.  Isolated.  People don’t understand.

You’re even at the point that when someone says, “I bet you love being a stay at home mom,” you feel angry. They’ve said nothing wrong, but in the back of your mind, you’re thinking, “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH”?  But, they don’t really know, do they?

“He Looks Normal”

The rub of all of this? He presents so typical for short periods of time that I am already having issues getting him help through our school system. From the outside, things look OK. Here’s this beautiful, thoughtful, highly intelligent little boy, who can act like an angel for strangers. Can charm and be friends with any child around him. At home, that same child can be verbally mean, physically abusive, manipulative, and so defiant that asking anything of them is almost pointless. So, people think you’re overreacting. That you’re just overly sensitive to normal childhood behavior.  And you start to think that maybe you are crazy.  Not good enough. Inadequate. That it’s your fault. 

There’s a Jekyll and Hyde situation going on. And nobody sees. And you can convince yourself that nobody cares and that you’re not going to make it. And if I’m being honest, I’m feeling like that most days.

Moving Forward

Right now, we’re in the trenches. Fighting every day, living our truth, being honest, getting help, and doing what we need to do to survive. That means getting him even more therapy and better methods for interacting with him.

We just had him screened and he didn’t meet the qualifications for general special needs, so we are having to get him tested for other issues his pediatrician thinks he may have.  It’s so frustrating to know that he’s suffering from an invisible diagnosis and we can’t seem to get him the help that we so clearly need.

However, our story with Finn is just starting. I’m hoping it has a happy ending, but the harsh reality is that around 40% of children diagnosed with ODD don’t grow out of it and out of that 40%, half of them eventually develop antisocial personality disorder. So I’m going to fight like hell to try to avoid that path. I’m going to do what needs to be done to try to give him every tool he can use to battle this, and, I’m going to tell his story.

Why tell his story? People deserve to know it. Right now, I’m treading water, and sometimes find it overwhelming to do anything more, so I hope this reaches some people that are maybe struggling like I am. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Hearing the words, “I know what you’re going through” have such enormous power.

Welcome to our journey with Finn.

The post I Want To Die appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

It’s nice to have another mom to talk to, especially a local one, who has a child with similar issues the same age. The thing is, even though our boys have similar issues, they deal with them different ways. Hence why Autism is called a spectrum.

This year, while I decided Everett actually needed to be in school to thrive, Marjorie made the opposite decision. I felt like it’s a decision a lot of Autism Moms are faced with, even when there isn’t a global pandemic, and I loved her reasoning behind it. I invited her to write a post for the NSSM blog to help out other mothers in a similar situation. I hope you love it as much as I did!

Buckling In: Why I Chose to
Homeschool My Neurodivergent Child

It started with a preschool teacher’s accusatory finger pointed toward my face and ended with me in tears so heavy I could barely catch my breath. Was it all my fault? I felt like an amateur and a failure as a parent.

We moved from Ohio to Alabama only two months prior. This wasn’t our first cross-country move, but it was certainly the hardest on our 5-year-old son, Connor. Connor is on the autism spectrum, and while he has low-support needs, changes as big as moving to a new state can be incredibly difficult for him. He has “invisible” struggles that are, as I’ve learned, hard for others—even educators—to understand.

We were able to get him a last-minute spot in a public preschool program here in our current nook of greater Birmingham. Connor did very well during his 4-hour per day program—just as he did in Ohio, just as I expected. But likewise, just like in Ohio, he was becoming overloaded due to the complicated expectations of school (this isn’t something we were fully able to grasp at the time, however).

Each afternoon when I would pick him up from preschool, he fell apart. He would hold it together in school, and then when I arrived at pick-up, he would immediately let that composure go. It would, on some days, be a momentous struggle to get him buckled in his car seat. He would kick and run around. He would sometimes throw fits and yell. By this point, I was normally sweating with rising anxiety.

When we would arrive at home a short one-minute drive later, he would let it all go. And I mean all of it. He was back in his safe space. At this time, after school each day, he was having legitimate meltdowns—the kind that depleted all of the energy he had and all of the energy I had. While the meltdowns eventually ended each day, he was often left in a very irritable state for nearly the rest of each evening. He would continuously grab and pull things at home and in public in order to gain input to calm himself. He was easily triggered by seemingly small occurrences. My husband and I were both struggling to handle these behaviors and struggling to find an answer. We weren’t perfect, but we were absolutely trying.

On that day the teacher put her finger in my face, I was already close to my mental breaking point. I politely asked her if she had noticed Connor’s struggles to get into his car seat and I asked her if she had any suggestions to help. To my surprise, she said to me, finger pointed toward my face: “I’m probably going to say this the wrong way, but that’s on you.” I was told that I simply needed “clearer boundaries” for him. She did not see him as struggling because she was blinded by his ability to mask in school.

That might not sound like the most terrible thing to hear, but in that moment, it felt like a huge slap in the face. I was a struggling parent and simply asked for advice. Even after I tried explaining during an IEP meeting what I saw happening (no, clear instructions and a social story were NOT working, per her suggestions), she seemed to completely disregard those thoughts.

The consideration that maybe there was something more going on that she couldn’t see was obviously not something that would be entertained during this meeting. I started to question if I could continue to participate in IEP meetings and continue to have teachers misunderstand me and my child.

Unfortunately, kids like Connor are often misunderstood. Behaving in school and academically advanced? Clearly his after-school behavior is simply a result of a lack of parental boundaries.

Oddly enough, we saw a psychologist during this time period and he was able to witness the meltdowns and behaviors I was seeing. Maybe teachers didn’t believe me, but he saw it. He said, “Marjorie, I need you to know that this is not parenting related. He is struggling with anxiety and impulsivity and overload. This is nothing you are responsible for. I’m glad I got to see it so I can get the full picture.”

“Marjorie, I need you to know that this is not parenting related. He is struggling with anxiety and impulsivity and overload. This is nothing you are responsible for. I’m glad I got to see it so I can get the full picture.”

THIS.

THIS lifted me away from anger. I think I called everyone I knew that day to tell them how validated I felt. I wasn’t a failure. I had a kid who was struggling and now it was time to “buckle in” and figure out how to drive all over again.

Shortly after, to the shock of everyone around the world, covid-19 happened. And our worlds changed drastically. While many others were struggling, we were, for the first time in years, finding peace and calm and happiness.

This is not to say everything was immediately perfect. But once school abruptly ended, we were able to study our son more closely. We started to figure out his triggers, his limits, and what was overstimulating for him. We noticed that his moods were getting better. He wasn’t as irritable or as easily frustrated. I can’t say it was all due to school, but that was certainly a huge part of his life that had been taken away completely. It only made sense.

We’re now starting to see and understand that Connor “masks” in some situations like school and then lets go of that mask when he’s no longer forced in that situation, or when he just can’t take it anymore. We have since witnessed this in other circumstances (after long outings or especially overwhelming environments like restaurants or chaotic playgrounds, for instance).

As the weeks went by, I was able to create the type of peaceful routines I noticed that he needed. I utilized some strategies taught to me in OT. When I noticed him becoming overloaded, I pumped the brakes and allowed him to do things like use his iPad, draw, use materials like play-doh, and just generally unwind. It was starting to work. My husband and I were in true disbelief. He hadn’t had a single meltdown in weeks. He was listening better. He was behaving better. He was connecting more than ever before with his sister and with us.

When it came time to make a decision about homeschooling, we decided it was worth giving a shot. After all, at the time it didn’t seem like schools would be a safe place anyway, and I knew the addition of wearing masks would be even more overwhelming for Connor. Not to mention going from a 4-hour preschool day to a 7-hour Kindergarten day.

I consider myself to be a very quietly stubborn person—as in you might not realize how much I will fight or push or work to make something I care about happen. And that’s exactly what I did when it came to homeschooling. I researched and learned along the way. I ended up switching curriculums just two months in, because I found one that better met my son’s needs. I fiddled around with schedules and observed how much time my son could spend learning each subject before needing a sensory break. I was able to fully advance him a grade level (and sometimes more depending on the subject). As a child who is academically strong, he was both struggling in school and not working at his ability levels.

Talk about a less-than-ideal situation.

Now, he gets to work exactly where he’s at and even pursue topics of interest that are not covered in kindergarten—he loves studying countries, cells, computer animation, you name it! He also has more time to participate in wonderful social skills groups, martial arts (which is proving to be an awesome outlet for him), and I am able to help guide and process social interactions with him. For the first time in years, I can take deep breaths again.

I can honestly say that, right now, I rarely have moments where I sit and cry because I’m so overwhelmed and feeling hopeless. And goodness, my child really seems like a happy child, which is all I’ve ever wanted for him. He really isn’t having meltdowns anymore, like, at all. Sure, he certainly doesn’t always behave or listen, he still gets overloaded and irritable sometimes. Life isn’t perfect, and I’m still learning as we go.) But, it’s been five months since schools shut down in March and we’ve only had a few meltdowns here and there. He used to have them everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. His general mood is so much calmer and happier. He follows directions well and even volunteers to help around the house. He does really kind things for everyone in his family, and because he’s happy, we can see how that impacts our entire family. We are all happier. There is a sense of peacefulness in our home that we’ve never experienced. And I’m no longer as anxious when I take him to parks or around other kids. He’s making a lot of progress. I think because we are now in this calmer place, we’ve been able to actually focus on skills like socializing and good behavior.

Before, it just felt like getting through the day was all we could do. I know new challenges may arise (actually, undoubtedly, they will), but I’m ready for them. And through this experience and transition to homeschooling, I’ve learned that I have the tools and ability to figure it out. I have more trust and confidence in myself as a parent. Even on days I feel discouraged, I remind myself that I love my child more than anyone on this planet, and that has to be enough. I will always do what’s best for him and tweak our situation and environment as needed.

Homeschooling was never something I thought I’d do. But I was given a child who is a little “different” and is honestly more amazing than I can put into words. The way his brain works astonishes me. That may mean that he doesn’t fit neatly into the box others expect him to fit into, but that’s the beauty of homeschooling—he doesn’t have to be in a box. Actually, his space and capacity to learn is now wide open. I cannot say with certainty that we will homeschool forever. I have no idea what the future holds.

I do know that this is absolutely working for now. Even on days we have setbacks, it’s still so much better. Homeschooling I’m sure will not or does not work for all neurodivergent children, but I do know that it works for some. (Sidenote: there are numerous Facebook groups just for autism and homeschooling!)

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Connor now gets in his car seat for me with no issues. He buckles himself in and it’s no longer a stressful experience. I think it’s safe to say it took a whole lot more than clearer boundaries and a social story attached to the back of my seat.

Daily schedule (times vary by the day, but this is a “typical day”)
7-8 am: get dressed (we get dressed even on days we stay home!), breakfast, free play
8-930 am: our typical “school hours” where we cover core subjects, including ELA, math, and handwriting (we use “The Good & The Beautiful” curriculums, primarily). I also have activities from “The Peaceful Preschool” for my 3-year-old daughter.
9:30-10 am: snack time
10-12 pm: active time – we like (have to!) to get out of the house, so usually this means a playground, a visit to the science center, a playdate with friends, etc.
12 pm: lunch out or at home
1 pm: usually our “down time,” which can mean anything from a little bit of iPad time, sensory bin play, doodling with art supplies, etc.
2 pm: This is when we often do other subjects, like science and social studies. We do science experiments (a favorite!), read books on social studies topics, art projects, etc.
3-4 pm: I try to cook most days and include the kids! So we are typically getting things prepped and cooked for dinner at this time.
4-5 pm: Connor just started taking martial arts classes, so usually this is the time we are heading there or participating in martial arts

The post Living Life On The Spectrum, Homeschool Edition appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

Congratulations, you’re now the proud parent of a homeschooler!

Thanks to COVID-19, a huge chunk of parents are currently faced with the harsh reality that they are now expected to be their child’s primary teacher many amidst working full time/trying to find a new job.

Most of these parents have never been homeschooled and haven’t really considered what homeschooling would look like. They don’t know where to start or how they will even fit this change into their day. Also, if they’re like me, they also have quite the begrudging student.

Today though, they’re in luck. Today’s blog focus is on how to fit homeschooling into your schedule and how to help minimize the adjustment.

Benefits Of Homeschooling

First, take your preconceived notions about homeschool and toss them out the window. Now, with a fresh outlook consider these benefits:

• Homeschool doesn’t have to be an 8am-3pm, Monday through Friday endeavor. You fit it into your schedule at both you and your child’s pace.
• Homeschool isn’t constrained to the same teaching methods that take place in a classroom. You can easily combine subjects that they are interested in while tying together new concepts that utilize their best method of learning.
• Homeschooling doesn’t mean you have to stay home. You can easily take your lessons on the road and in nature to give both of you a break.
• There are thousands of free and discounted resources readily available to you. Apps such as ABC Mouse and Elephant Learning. Shops like Legacy Learning Academy are sending free daily downloads to do with your kids and have a discount code. Zoo’s have free live feeds, libraries are offering free digital books, and musicians are putting on free concerts. Teachers are putting daily videos up to help your kids feel connected. Also, bloggers like myself are providing free activites and resources for you to use at home.
• You can stay in your pjs all day!
• And ultimately the biggest benefit now, is that while you’re doing your part to flatten the curve, you’re also giving your child the opportunity to spend precious time with you, time that they otherwise wouldn’t recieve. This also gives us an opportunity to teach them important life skills, from washing dishes to baking to woodworking.

Homeschooling The Reluctant Homeschooler

Many of us reluctant homeschooling parents also have reluctant homeschooling children. The sayings about how children always act worse for their parents exist for a reason.

The key to getting through this is simple. Lower your expectations. That’s right, lower them. No one expects you to be a 100% perfect teacher admist this chaos. It’s basically impossible to be parent, teacher, and your families financial support system without a few plates dropping.

Something is going to give.

Give yourself some grace and get takeout when you know you’ll have a busy day. Let the messy house be messy for a few days. If you’re able, hire a house cleaner and leave for an outdoor picnic and hike for a few hours.

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s also okay to find what works well for your family and to politely tell anyone else off that tries to tell you that you’re not doing it right.

Make a realistic, yet flexible schedule that includes both the time that you need for “adult” time (working/sanity) and the time that they need to balance their day. Make sure they are included in this process, giving them some ownership over their time and life.

When making your schedule, keep in mind that because you will be working one on one with your child, school lessons take a fraction of the time they do at school. When your child is at school, they are stuck splitting their time with 15+ students and small blocks of time to fit each sliver of lessons in. A big portion of your child’s time spent at school isn’t spent on academic instruction. Also, play is the ultimate form of learning. You can literally take any interest your child has and make it fit into the lessons they need to learn. 

Don’t be intimidated by getting creative.

An example of this: say you are working with a younger child who hates handwriting or identifying letters, but they are super interested in space. Take out a space related book and have them find and count all the times they find the word “space” or “planet.” Take them into a gravel driveway, give them a stick, and tell them the gravel is meteors. They need to clear a path for your spaceship with the stick by spelling out certain words. Have them draw galaxy maps and label planets (accurately or ones they create) or draw and label spaceship parts. In just these few ideas, you have covered science, math, art, engineering, and language skills.

Also, don’t be scared to utilize screen time for your lessons. For example, going back to the space theme, did you know that there is a program where Astronauts Read Books While In Space? There are also countless YouTube videos, Magic School Bus-esque programs, and shows by people such as Neil deGrasse Tyson that cover topics about space. Utilizing screen time for part of their lessons is a great way for you to get some work done, take a kid break/get chores done, or learn something new yourself. I even have a long time homeschooling friend who is currently using video games for part of her child’s lessons.

Another important aspect to incorporate into their schedule is digital time with friends. Learning correct social interaction is an important skill, no matter your age.

For my household, this week we will be doing Easter Engineering Challenges with friends that live in Japan. Yep, you heard me right, Japan. I’ll be sharing the lesson on my blog that morning, and then we will livestream our digital lesson/playdate with For Mommys Dragons. We have also dropped handmade birthday cards off for friends and surprised them with chalk art creations in their driveway.

Keep in mind, now that you’re a so-called “homeschooling” family, you aren’t limited to the school year calendar either. If trying to keep up with your child’s daily academic load is too overwhelming, remember that you also have ALL SUMMER to get through it. My best friend who is currently homeschooling 3 amazing kids, once told me that she didn’t stick to “school years.” That her kids learned year round and she didn’t feel the need to pressure them to pursue each academic subject at the same rate as their peers. With their yearlong learning schedule, they were able to set a leisurely pace that worked best for her children’s interests while still keeping them at the state mandated educational levels. This is a great perk of being stuck at home.

A significant portion of schools are also sending out lesson plans and worksheets for your children. This is a great way to give them some structured work while giving you some age appropriate ideas of what they should be working on. However, when they start getting frustrated and uncooperative, don’t feel bad about tabling it for later to avoid total meltdowns. Going back to what I said earlier, you have plenty of time! Also, don’t feel bad about contacting your children’s teachers. Most of them will be readily accessible to help your kids (within reason folks) and I’m sure they also miss seeing all of their awesome students.

In conclusion, take a deep breath and remember:

YOU. GOT. THIS.

It’s going to be hard, but try to view this scary change of events as an opportunity and not as a burden. Take it one day at a time and give both yourself and your kids patience and grace. Try to remember that your kids will remember the special memories that you’re making and benefit from this extra time they have with you.

How are you handling this change? Do you have any amazing tips to share? Let us know below!

The post Unexpectedly Homeschooling appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

Today’s activities are super fun for kids of all ages and only require a couple items that you probably have laying around the house.  The 3 activities that I’m going to show you are the following:

• Projectile Launcher
• Pompom Air Cannon
• Cup Drum

Pompom Air Cannon

This one is fairly easy. Instead of going step by step, I found this awesome diagram that shows you how to make/assemble it super easily.

For the balloon top on mine, I simply tied off the balloon and snipped a bit of the other end and stretched it over. My balloons were kind of small, so the above method might have been better. Use your best judgment! Also, my kids quickly destroyed the plastic cup because it’s walls were too thin. I suggest using a paper cup if you have it!

While your assembling this, get a hypothesis from your kids. Ask them what items do they think will move the furthest and why. We only utilized pompoms for ours, however, I suggest also using something like mini marshmallows and making a disposable cup pyramid.

To make the cannon work, simply aim the small hole towards the items you want to move and squeeze the cup.

This activity is designed to get kids thinking about what happens when air moves. Sometimes it is difficult to think about air and what it does because it is invisible. The air cannon is a way to ‘see’ air as it moves objects within its ‘blast zone’.

The air that shoots out of the cannon is a vortex of air similar to rings of smoke sometimes blown by smokers.

A vortex is a spinning flow of fluid or gas. Water going down the drain and the air in a tornado form vortices in the shape of funnels. The air cannon vortex is a donut shape or, mathematically, a torus. The air in the donut rolls from the center to the edge. The air forms this shape because the air leaving the cup at the centre of the hole is traveling faster than the air leaving around the edge of the hole. The air keeps its shape since the surrounding air is relatively slow moving (and under higher pressure).

Cup Drums

What child doesn’t love an excuse to make noise? These drums are simple to make and actually sound really cool!

For this activity, you will need to tie off the end of your balloon and cut the other half open. Stretch it over the opening of your cup and BOOM instant drum! My balloons were kind of small, so a inflated them prior to cutting to help stretch them out.

Provide various items for them to make music. I recommend using straws, spoons, popsicle sticks, marbles, and chopsticks. You can also use different size cups to really vary up the sound. Try looking up simple drum beat patterns to have them follow along.

Projectile Launchers

These launchers by far were the family favorite. We made one for everyone and chased each other around.

Directions:

1. Cut a large hole in the bottom of the cup.
2. Take your balloon and tie a knot in the open end. Cut the top 1/3 of the balloon off.
3.  Stretch the balloon over the top of the cup, folding it over the sides. Pull the knot through the hold.
4. Use the duct tape to secure the balloon on the sides of the cup. (Optional)

TIP: The opening you cut off may be too weak to handle the stress from the balloon, so try stretching it over the other end or double up your cups.

The Science Behind this Experiment:

How does the launcher work? If you stretch a rubber band, it will have elastic potential energy. As you let it go, that potential energy will transfer into kinetic energy, the energy of motion. In our shooter, the balloon is acting like a rubber band. When you pull the knot on the balloon backwards, it creates potential energy, which then transfers to kinetic energy as you let it go, sending the projectile flying!

You can use any lightweight projectile in your home. This includes marshmallows, cotton balls, ping pong balls, and so on.

Have your kids guess which projectiles will launch the furthest. Ask them why and test their theories.

For older kids, here is a great lesson plan to really get their minds working: Launcher PDF

I hope you loved today’s activites! Which one was your favorite? Comment below!

The post Easy Cup & Balloon Activities appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

“Fine. Everything’s fine.” I tell myself as I watch my house slowly be torn apart by the two tiny tornadoes I call my children. I sit there and look at the utter chaos and wonder if I leave it on the floor long enough if it will magically disappear. I have so many items on my to-do list that I’m almost paralyzed by it daily. I’m running on pure survival. Yet, whenever someone asks about my day or how I’m doing I say everything’s fine. If I wrote a book about my life at this moment, it could be summed up as “Everything’s Fine, and Other Lies I Tell Myself.”

Everything’s Not Fine

I know I’m not alone- the truth is the majority of us moms aren’t “fine,” we’re just in various stages of heading towards our breaking point. We’re so much more and so much less than fine most days.
Being a mom is amazing, but it takes nearly every ounce of our being–emotionally, physically, and mentally. More often than not, we find ourselves taking care of everyone else except ourselves. It is a tremendous blessing that is both exhausting and rewarding.Let’s get real though…. lately I’m so tired that I’m not even sure that the word tired is even adequate.

My tired is tired.

I’ve been in pure survival mode so long, I’m not even sure how to function like a normal adult. I feel my nerves fraying at the ends—like, physically felt them fraying—and wondered if I might actually break. I’ve fought the urge to walk out the front door and keep going, far, far away. Quite frankly, I’m in desperate need of a momcation before this slowly ticking time bomb I call life explodes.

If you feel like you could’ve written this, raise your hand ?‍

Motherly’s 2019 State of Motherhood survey found that 51% of moms feel discouraged when it comes to managing the stress of work and motherhood. About one-third of moms said that their mental and physical health is suffering. And 85% of moms said that our society does not do a good job of supporting mothers.

The burnout is real, and no you aren’t imagining it. It’s also not your fault.

Women in general have a nasty habit of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of themselves. We give and we give, but often, we forget to give back to ourselves. We make excuses such as, “I just am not sure I have the time” or “I just don’t have the money for a *insert self care item here.”

The truth is, there is always time/money for yourself, that is if you’re committed to treating yourself better. Society doesn’t care about us burning out and it’s definitely not providing us solutions to our burnout problems. It’s up to us to be honest about what’s burning us out, accept that we can’t change everything and we won’t ever be the perfect Pinterest mom or wife. Be honest about what you need to help with your burnout. For me, I needed a vacation from my responsibilities. So last week, I treated myself to a “Momcation On A Budget.” Let me tell you, it was HEAVENLY!

Getting Started

My goal was to be completely child and husband free for 24 hours. I wanted to follow my own schedule, sleep in, and heck use the bathroom without hearing MOMMMMA 500 times. My mother in law was going to be in town, so I knew it was the perfect opportunity for me to take a night away from the kids.

I started looking into my options. Should I ask a child free friend to crash in their spare room? I knew that would be a nice option, but I didn’t want to feel like I had to socialize, so I kept looking. I looked at hotels, and then decided an Airbnb would be more cost effective and casual. I reached out to a lovely friend who I knew ran several properties and inquired if she would be willing to put me up for the night in exchange for being featured in my blog. As fate would have it, she had a few openings and agreed to work with me. *insert happy dance*

So that was one obstacle down, and it got me thinking, what would my ultimate momcation have? From there, I worked my network of contacts and managed to work in dinner at an amazing restaurant, that just so happened to be in the same building as the Airbnb (Roots & Revelry) , and a massage at my favorite spa (Head2Toe). I’ll tell you some more details about the places I named below.

Momcation Time

Initially, I planned to leave my house early, go to a massage then relax at the Airbnb before dinner. Things needed to be moved around some, so when I left the house, my first stop was now going to be one of our local gourmet chocolate shops. Sadly, both were closed thanks to it being the week of the 4th of July. So I brainstormed some and decided to go to our local gourmet ice cream shop instead. Ahh, sweet tooth craving satisfied! The perfect way to kick of my momcation!

You can always find time and money in your budget to spend under $10 on yourself and sneak away from your kids for an hour of resetting. If you don’t have a sweet tooth, grab a drink, go for a relaxing walk, explore the Art Museum, or join a free workout class. You don’t have to get away overnight to find time to take care of YOU!

Next up, my Airbnb! When a hotel seems out of budget, a great option for getting away while still staying close is an Airbnb. My Airbnb was located at the Thomas Jefferson Tower (TJ Tower)

TJ Tower is a beautifully restored building. Built in 1929 it has gleaming marble floors, tasteful decorations, and a welcoming elegance. It’s gone through several renovations and name changes over the years, but one of my favorite features is the Zeppelin mooring tower. It was built during the time period where it seemed like dirigibles would be the next big transportation system, and now it’s currently the only remaining tower in existence. Super cool!

The Airbnb is a small, one bedroom apartment, that’s tastefully decorated and has all the basic amenities-even dog dishes. You can see photos of it above. It was the perfect place for me to hideaway. There is a small convenience store in the lobby where I picked up some wine for my night of relaxation.

I stopped into Roots & Revelry to check in with Brian, (one of the buildings co-owners), and to grab a drink. Brian had some really interesting facts about the building and was very welcoming. The bar manager, Destin, was very passionate about his job, and you could tell. He carefully explained the whole menu, showed me the onsite herb garden, and even gave me a clear ice demonstration. I had a couple drinks and popped into the Airbnb for a few minutes to get settled.

Upon coming back, Brian showed me their stunning ballroom and event space. I hope I’m lucky enough to have an opportunity to attend/photograph an event there. It’s seriously gorgeous!

I headed back to the bar to start to order some food. I tried the delicious PB&J, the filet, and the bread pudding. Each one was flawlessly prepared and tasted divine. I had so much fun at the restaurant I stayed way later than anticipated, but it was totally worth it! Their brunch menu also looked amazing-I can’t wait to go back and try it!

I headed back to the Airbnb and promptly fell asleep! I woke up a few times thanks to Finn keeping me on a wacky schedule, but it was sooooo amazing to sleep in without sharing my bed with small children or getting up at the crack of dawn!

Next up on my momcation agenda was the massage and facial. Cheron Blythe, the owner of Head2Toe is a serious boss babe. She’s one of the most dedicated shop owners I’ve met and is constantly finding new and creative ways to improve her business. She offers many onsite amenities, such as an elegant glass shower, a nice back porch to relax on, the world’s most comfy massage chair for pedicures, and specialized hand mixed creams to name a few.

Cheron walked me through the process so I felt absolutely comfortable, and then I stripped down for the facial and massage. The facial also included a super neat cupping process and a 30 min hand/foot rub. Once the facial was completed, I had an amazing massage. I left feeling like a new woman!

Now for the fun part! Head2Toe, Roots & Revelry, and the Thomas Jefferson Tower joined forces for an epic local giveaway! TJ Tower is giving away one free night in their Airbnb, Roots is giving away a $50 gift card, and Head2Toe is giving away a free facial & hand/foot rub. All for ONE lucky winner! Follow the instructions on Instagram & Facebook for your chance to win!

The post Momcation: Party of One appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.