Without fail, multiple times a month, someone will claim Everett’s autism is caused by something outlandish. Usually, it’s the age old, well debunked, vaccine argument.

Some of the things I’ve been “informed” of, pique my interest enough for a Google search, and some are just so out there that it leaves me scratching my head.

The thing is, I’m no longer looking for a cause. I’ve accepted and embraced Everett’s diagnosis. While Everett may be on the spectrum, it isn’t his defining feature. So when someone tries to sell me some “miracle cure” or tell me how Everett “became” Autistic, frankly I don’t care.

They don’t understand that I feel like his diagnosis makes him stronger. That it shows me so many new aspects of the world I never would have noticed before. It makes our family better. Do we struggle? Yes- without a doubt. It can be isolating and lonely. I’m often confused and second guessing myself. However, it challenges us in good ways too.

Obviously, I hate watching Everett struggle, and our pocketbook doesn’t love all the costs associated with an autism diagnosis, but the way his mind processes things is beautiful. So when I hear these outlandish claims, I’ve learned to tune them out. Sometimes I’ll post funny tees with scientifically accurate comebacks, usually though, I just shake my head and move on.

Did You Know….?

Now for the fun part. I’ve compiled a list that includes some of the more crazy things people have claimed are the cause/cure for Autism.

DISCLOSURE THESE ARE ALL FALSE- PLEASE DO NOT BELIEVE OR TRY ANY OF THESE CURES!

• Laundry detergent. Yep. Good old Tide. The cure? Strip all clothes, then hand wash with vinegar, baking soda, & essential oils. Leave in sun to dry. After a few months all autistic related traits will magically vanish.
• Pesticides. Cure? Only feed him food that you can grow yourself or purchase from a local farm that doesn’t use pesticides. Limit meat consumption.
• Worms… or rather lack of. Yep. You read that right. The claim is that modern humans lead too healthy of a lifestyle, (that’s a first), and it’s killed the parasitic worms that kept our ancestors healthy. Hence why we are seeing an increase in modern-day ills.
• Saying Autism. I said the word “autism” in front of Everett and caused it.
• Pollutants. Multiple people have to told me I either live too close to an interstate or in too polluted areas.
• Cellphone Towers. Chem trails. The internet. Come on people, take off your tinfoil hats!
• God. Yep. Someone once told me that God made people autistic to teach other people compassion. Another said it was God’s punishment for leaving the church.
• Demons. Autism isn’t real, those behaviors are actually a sign of demonic possession.
• Endometriosis/Womb Deffects. I shouldn’t have been able to carry a child, and because I forced it with fertility treatments, Everett is now “defective.”
• Finger Length: The length of his fingers predicted his autism. (This one really had me scratching my head).
• Diet, Mental Health & Meds. I didn’t eat enough meat when pregnant. I ate too much meat when pregnant. I didn’t eat enough folic acid. Also in this same vein, my “toxic gut.” Taking antibiotics during pregnancy. Being depressed while pregnant.
• Hot Tubs: someone seriously asked me if I got into a hot tub when I was pregnant, because if I did, the heat “killed his genes” that prevent autism.
• Lyme Disease: I was asked if I tried getting Everett treatment for Lyme Disease, because they read somewhere that it also cured autism. (Newsflash: it doesn’t)
• Parents: I spoiled him too much, I didn’t spoil him enough. I was too caring. I wasn’t caring enough. We make too much money. We don’t make enough.
• Pregnancy: I got pregnant again, (with Finn), and my pregnancy hormones triggered a change in Everett.
• Wishing: I wanted my child to have a “trendy” diagnosis, so I sent autistic intentions towards him and he absorbed them.
• Air Conditioning: I kept the air conditioning too high when I was pregnant.
• And finally vaccines. This one deserves its own section.

VACCINES DON’T CAUSE AUTISM

I wrote a WHOLE BLOG about this when I was attacked by someone who believed this last fall (you can read it here). Here is just a small excerpt:

There is ZERO scientific evidence that vaccines cause autism. The one doctor, or should I say former doctor, that made this claim lost his license for his false allegations. Vaccines, in general, are the safest and most cost effective preventative treatment one can get. Also, what about the children with autism, seizures, and other horrible childhood illnesses that have never had a vaccine? What about the millions of people who have had vaccinations and have had no complications? Yes vaccine injuries have occurred, but it’s the minority, not the majority. And I repeat there is ZERO medical based evidence that vaccines cause autism!

I hope you got a few laughs in- I know I did! Autism isn’t caused by any of these things and autism isn’t something that needs “cured.” It simply is. It’s a part of our lives, but it isn’t our life. We are happy. We are healthy. Everett is just that, Everett. We don’t need or want a miracle cure, we just want him to be the amazing person he was made to be.

The post Your Child is Autistic Because… appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

My child is autistic.

There, I said it. I brought up the elephant in the room. I said the “A” word you whisper about, out loud. Yet when you say it out loud, I mentally cringe.
I wonder if I’ll ever get used to hearing someone else say it. If it will ever feel like less than a slap in the face or a slow turning knife in my gut. I wonder if catching it this early truly will help him become a functioning adult.

And I’m grieving.

I don’t care how many times people tell me autism success stories, I’m still mourning what could have been.
From the moment she receives a positive pregnancy test, a woman starts bonding with their unborn baby. She is the one who senses the flutters, kicks and jabs, as she is also the one who feels the morning sickness, sciatic nerve discomfort and for some, labor pains. In all essence, the woman is the one who knows the baby best. Dreams of the future are vivid for her from the moment she finds out that she’s having a baby. She makes up scenarios about the adventures they will go on and the amazing things they will accomplish.

What most parents of typical children don’t realize, is that no matter how much relief I get from a diagnosis, I still have to grieve the child of my dreams, and accept the child of my present. It’s a symbolic and complicated loss.

The sense of loss is complicated because the child is still present. In fact, nothing has really changed other than the confirmation of a suspected condition. The grief is real and it is further complicated with mixed emotions.

You are NEVER prepared for a diagnosis of autism.

It is painful to love so much, to want something so much, and not quite get it. It’s been frequently compared to grieving the actual loss of a child.
A parent typically goes through 7 stages after their child is given an official diagnosis:

1. Denial & Shock
2. Pain & Guilt
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. The Upward Turn
6. Working Through
7. Acceptance & Hope

I find myself rotating between steps 2 through 7 at any given time. And quite frankly, it sucks.

Evaluation Results

The staff seemed somewhat surprised my initial reaction was one of audible relief. It was as if they had expected me to break down in the conference room and cry. It was only later, when I was in my car, alone, that a swell of emotions rose within me and I felt overwhelmed — by anger, by an urgency to do something, by the jargon and acronyms of the special education world: functional performance, local education agency, IEP (individualized education program).
In reality, if there is ever a “good” autistic prognosis, Everett has it. He tested fairly normal for a kid his age, he is (mostly) friendly, somewhat verbal, and loving. He just doesn’t understand how to apply everything going on correctly. This guarantees him a spot for free therapy and an IEP. This also means our insurance should actually cover more services as well.

I’m learning that when your child is “on the spectrum,” as the lingo goes, you’re on the spectrum with them, a spectrum of good days and bad, progress and setbacks, joy and frustration. And emotions. All the emotions.

While today I may be grieving, I know it won’t be long until things get better. Like those unexpected traits, autism is just one more facet of Everett — not the defining one….even if it sounds a little scary.

The post Typical Bereavement With Atypical Diagnoses appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.