Recently, I experienced my first real taste of anti-vax cyber bullying. She essentially accused me of causing Everett’s autism.

And she didn’t stop there. So tonight, I’d like to address her vitriol with a few rebuttals. Unfortunately, I wasn’t truly able to respond the way I wanted to under her comments. She chose a post that is currently being promoted by an amazing company I’m working with. Instead, I turned to my support groups. I asked for advice and virtual hugs, and they didn’t let me down. Some of my fellow moms became keyboard warriors in my honor. Thank you again for being so kind. Their kind words and support gave me the confidence and desire to write this rebuttal. I will post segments of screenshots below and my responses. She had a long rant, so buckle your seatbelts and grab some popcorn for this wild ride!

Vaccine Knowledge

Shockingly yes, I can! I actually could list more if you’d like! Sorbitol, sodium phosphate, sucrose, sodium chloride, gelatin, and many many more based on which vaccine you’re getting. I know some of the ingredients may be controversial, but they are given in such small doses that it’s safe for the majority of the population. Believe it or not, I actually researched vaccines, vaccination schedules, and side effects thoroughly. My best friend actually kind of falls into the anti-vaccine camp, shocking I know. However, she provided me with a ton of her research and points of view. I took alllll of that into consideration, as well as the information I found, and advice from medical professionals. I decided that vaccines were right for us. Initially, I did a delayed schedule for Everett to make sure he didn’t have negative side effects or reactions, but other than a little crankiness, he did just fine! I’m happy to trust those who have actual medical degrees with giving my children vaccinations. I still look over each vaccine, side effects, and schedule, but so far, the doctors recommendations have been spot on.

Vaccines Cause Autism

Can we please, for the love of God, stop beating this dead horse?

VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM.

There is ZERO scientific evidence that vaccines cause autism. The one doctor, or should I say former doctor, that made this claim lost his license for his false allegations. Vaccines, in general, are the safest and most cost effective preventative treatment one can get. Also, what about the children with autism, seizures, and other horrible childhood illnesses that have never had a vaccine? What about the millions of people who have had vaccinations and have had no complications? Yes vaccine injuries have occurred, but it’s the minority, not the majority. And I repeat there is ZERO medical based evidence that vaccines cause autism!

Autism Isn’t A Trend

First, what type of unkind, cruel hearted person would wish a child to develop seizures? It’s not a special ability, and it’s certainly not a laughing matter. Seizures are scary, unpredictable, and sometimes fatal. Secondly, autism isn’t trendy. I live my life in a constant state of semi-panic over what will come next. Will he hit that child who is crying? Bite the next kid who sings too loudly? Throw his brother off the bed because he doesn’t want him to be in his space? I never know what’s coming and what his future will hold. It’s scary. It’s nerve wracking. Everett isn’t my accessory. He’s a living, breathing, loving, and loud boy. I would LOVE for his life to be easier and for him to not have the challenges autism presents. I didn’t hope for some “trendy” diagnosis, as a matter of fact, I actually mourned what could have been when he was diagnosed. He’s was and still is a beautiful soul.

Oh and by the way, we aren’t on welfare, and having a child with autism doesn’t automatically mean you qualify for welfare or any other supplemental disability benefits. It costs us over 5 grand a year, just for his basic therapy sessions. 5 grand that neither insurance, grants, or government assistance can help with. 5 grand that could be going into our dream home or savings account. That 5 grand is just the tip of the iceberg. Prior to starting pre-k, we also had childcare costs, home therapy tools, and the special foods he would eat. If this is a fad, it’s a pretty damn expensive one.

Scary Anti-Vaxxer Math

Let’s be clear, not only do I hate math, I also suck at it. However, even in my limited capacity, the math here doesn’t add up. Everett & Finn are both recieving the same number of vaccines. That number is NOT 74. Not even close. Quite simply, the whole 72-74 vaccine number is a propaganda tool and scare tactic. Children currently receive 13 vaccines that are designed to protect them from 16 preventable diseases. If you include boosters and a yearly flu vaccine, (which by the way we skip), you’re looking at a max of 54 doses by the age of 18. Several of these vaccines are combined, such as MMR. If you’re trying to figure out where the number in the 70’s came from, it’s from them counting vaccines that are combined (like MMR) individually as well as including the doses a pregnant woman receives. So no, I didn’t notice a jump in vaccines, because there was no radical jump. If you actually look at the math and immunization schedule, you could easily verify this for yourself.

I’m more interested in my kids clothes than injecting them with cancer? Wow. I’ll be honest here, it sounds like you’re just trying to throw shade here because you might be jealous of my kids rad wardrobe. I get it- I’m jealous too! They look hella cute and have cooler clothes than I’ll ever have, but to insinuate that I care more about their appearance than their health is pretty despicable. However, I’m pretty sure that we already established that vaccines also don’t cause cancer, so let’s move on.

It’s 2019, Name-calling Isn’t Okay

Wow. You really went there are dropped the “R” word. Did you perhaps miss the memo that it’s 2019 and using words like that aren’t socially acceptable? I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, and instead share some awareness with you. Those who are in the special needs community prefer to use respectful people first language. You see, words carry weight. Language affects attitudes and attitudes affect actions. Words, like the “R” word, are what lead to the horror stories you read about. The ones about the unfortunate people in the special needs community being taken advantage of and abused. So please be mindful of your words, you never know who is listening and learning from your misinformation and bigotry. Also, just to remind you, VACCINES DON’T CAUSE AUTISM. They do however cause adults. Here is a handy little infograph for you.

Everett’s Future

Wow. There is so much to unpack here that I almost don’t know where to begin. Let’s start with passing laws to euthanize those with special needs. There are ZERO countries where euthanizing a human being is legal. ZERO. There have been talks about it, but ultimately it is a gross violation of basic human rights. That aside, my child has autism. He isn’t a burden to myself or society. Do we have struggles? Yes. Do we let our struggles define us? No. I’d like you to show me one parent who hasn’t struggled with their child at some point.

Also, it seems like you may not entirely understand what autism is. Autism is a neurological spectrum disorder. A SPECTRUM. Meaning that symptoms and the degree of those symptoms can vary widely from person to person. We’re lucky, Everett is fairly high functioning, but even if he wasn’t, euthanizing wouldn’t be an option. Having autism doesn’t automatically make you more or less intelligent. IQ isn’t a part of autism, it’s part of being a human being. Please don’t make assumptions about a child’s intelligence level without actually knowing the said childs capabilities.

If You Don’t Have Ssomething Nice To Say….

Last, but not least, if you don’t have kind words to say, or if you don’t know the full story, please keep your opinions to yourself. Cyberbullying is no joke. I’m an adult, and it upset me to see such horrible things written in regards to my child and myself. Imagine what our children have to endure in today’s digital age.

Here are a few handy statistics:

It’s scary to consider the weight your words carry, especially digitally, where typical societal norms and decency standards seem to get tossed out the window. Despite your personal biases, try to remember that the person on the other side of the the screen, is a real living being, that’s not so different from yourself.

The post “It’s Your Fault That Your Child Is Autistic” appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

I always thought I’d have two kids…. until I had one child. Personally, my pregnancy was crazy hard (bed rest, pre-term labor, and a never ending labor). I never wanted to experience that again. Also, why does NO ONE TELL YOU ABOUT THE FIRST POOP POST BIRTH? That was almost as terrifying and painful as labor! Poop aside, I just never wanted to experience that again.

Around the time Everett was 2, my friends who already had kids Everett’s age started getting pregnant. I thought it was great….for them. I felt a tiny tinge of sadness, not about not having a child, but rather not being able to do it with them. Kind of like wishing I was part of the cool kids club. Honestly though, I was happy that I’d be able to snuggle their babies and then hand them back when they got fussy or stinky.

Enter Finn

I jokingly took a pregnancy test that I had purchased for a friend and BOOM, it was positive.

My first thoughts weren’t joyful, but rather full of worry and fear. Of course I never thought I wouldn’t keep the baby I was now carrying, it was more like “How do I even tell Fredric?” and “What am I going to do?”

As I progressed in my pregnancy, I felt a few of the typical joys one experiences, but it wasn’t the same.

Around the time I was 8-9 months pregnant, we also received Everett’s initial SPD diagnosis. There was soooooo much transitioning happening around this time, that some days I literally felt like I couldn’t keep my head above water.

Yet, I managed. I had an awesome tribe to help support me, some solid resources, and caffeine aka “Nectar of the Gods”

Looking back, I realize that it was crazy hard, but I feel pride. Pride in what I’ve accomplished and what I’m getting ready to do.

Below, I’m going to answer some of the most common question I get and share some tips to help you with your transition.

Tips/Questions:

• Enjoy the small moments and celebrate all victories, no matter how small. Quit making yourself feel guilty for not being perfect. Relish those small moments when no one is crying and you’re having a snuggle session. Feeling like super woman after going to the store and no one cried or had a blow out? EMBRACE IT! Heck, I even celebrate surviving those challenging days (usually with a much earned bottle of wine).

• Crying (and sh*t) happens. No matter how much of a super mom you are, you’re going to feel painfully pulled into opposite directions by your children. Both will be crying and you’ll struggle with who needs you most. It sucks, trust me, but it happens. Crying for a few minutes never killed anyone (though it may fray your nerves). It’s OKAY to let them cry. You’ll manage, they’ll live. This is where kids learn to share and take turns. (remember that bottle of wine? These are the types of days it gets pulled out!)
• Take time for special outings with your eldest. You’ll need the break from the baby and he’ll need that special mom only time.
• Be prepared for baby #2 to always be on the go. They’ll sleep everywhere and need to be fed/changed everywhere too. Make sure you plan accordingly! Finn sleeps best in his carseat, thanks to us always being on the go…and I can’t even begin to tell you all the places I’ve had to breastfeed and change him.
• BABYWEARING. It’s seriously a game changer.
• Don’t be afraid of screen time. With all the time you’ll spend nursing/holding the baby in the beginning, find a show that your eldest loves and snuggle up with both kiddos so no one feels left out.
• Take time for YOU. You can have a life with kiddos. Granted it’s not as action packed as before, but we have people that we trust with the kiddos and go out at least once a month. Sometimes I just go out with friends and leave Fred at home with the boys. Don’t forget to take time for you.
• Try to time your kids afternoon nap/rest period at the same time. You have to do what you can to keep yourself sane, and for me it’s this. Knowing that I just needed to get through the morning and then I’d get a break to myself, gives me something to look forward to every day.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Maybe you just need a break or maybe you need something more. After having Finn, I told the doctor that when both kids melted down at the same time or were super needy, I almost would freeze up and freak out. She recommended an anti-anxiety medication and it’s helped a ton.
• How long did it take for Everett and Finn to play? I wouldn’t say that they necessarily “play” together yet. Mostly Finn just goes along with whatever crazy shenanigans Everett tries to rope him into. Sometimes though, the result is truly beautiful and it makes the world a brighter place for me.
• How do you find your balance with 2? Honestly, I’m still finding this. I try to “force” both kiddos into an activity they’ll both enjoy to minimize the feeling that I’m letting one down. Also, if both of them are melting down, I try to take care of the one that’s either in pain or will settle the quickest first. A lot of times, my husband and I choose the “divide and conquer” method where we each get one kid and that’s our focus.

In conclusion, transitioning to 2 is hard and it sucks for everyone. It’s 3 times the work and you’ll rarely have your shit together. Prepare yourself to lower your expectations for a little while and know that it will and does get easier. This too shall pass. Go easy on yourself, and try not to punch that kindly old woman telling you “one day you’ll miss this” when both kids are losing their shit.

Sending you love, luck, and patience,

Crystal

The post What Life With Two Kids Has Taught Me appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

However, tomorrow is not just another “day” but the first of the clean pages of a whole year waiting for what we will write into our lives and what greatness we’ll pull from within.

Here’s the thing. No matter how you enter this year, whether you’re running into a bright season, whether you’re limping across the finish line or crawling your way out of a tough calendar, you are enough.

YOU ARE ENOUGH

I feel like I always forget this, and I’m betting you do too. If you’re anything like me, you use everyone else as a barometer for how well you are doing in life. We are acutely aware of our own struggles and pitfalls, and yet we wear rose colored glasses while looking at others.
This year my goal is to turn those rose colored glasses onto my own life. To try and remember I Am Enough. To remember I am the mom my children want and need. To remember that I’m also more than a mom. I’m a wife, a daughter, a friend, a businesswoman; I AM A STRONG WOMAN.
And you know what? You are enough too.
I know it’s hard and it takes time. Just like watching my children’s firsts, they don’t start in a sprint, but in a walk. A small stilting walk, where we hold our breath in anticipation of how far they’ll go. And how we cheer in celebration for each of those small steps. Just like in a new year, a new season of life, though we may feel like it or want to keep up pace with those already seasoned, our first steps aren’t usually the biggest ones we take.
Many times those early steps look more like a tip-toe as we do it afraid. Too often first-times mean a fall or a tumble, and hopefully it also means we step out again, usually to the cheers on the sideline.

This year, there will be steps to celebrate and moments of fear, moments of tumbling, moments of learning by failure. But in each, I want to be present, I want to rise, bruised, stronger. For you, for me, we will celebrate each stride. I want to allow myself to be me, to reside in grace, and to be happy in where I am and who I am.

And I want that for you too.

Be brilliant. Be you. You are enough.

The post New Year, New Goals appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

Rumplestiltskin, for those of you who aren’t familiar, is a classic fairytale about a girl who is falsely accredited with the ability to turn straw into gold. When she gets locked into the kings tower and forced to prove her golden abilities, she is forced to partner with a goblin like creature with the ability to spin straw into gold. She gives him her possessions, and eventually promises her first born son in exchange. When the son is born and he comes to collect, she makes yet another bargain with him. This time she must guess his name within 3 tries or the child is forfeit. Of course with the help of the kingdom she ends up succeeding and all is well.
Birmingham Children’s Theater partnered with the Autism Society of Alabama to help them prepare for the show.

As per their website:

These performances are designed to provide an arts experience that is engaging, enjoyable, and accessible for all of our audiences.

Accommodations for these performances include:

• Lower sound level, especially for startling or loud sounds;

• Lights remain on at a low level in the theater during the performance;

• A reduction of strobe lighting or lighting focused on the audience;

• Patrons are free to talk and leave their seats during the performance;

• Designated quiet areas within the theater;

• Space throughout the theater for standing and movement;

• Families will also have access to resource materials to prepare for their visit.

They also offered ear plugs “just in case,” which I felt was a very nice touch.
Our day was already going to be pretty crazy, seeing as the boys already had their birthday party planned for that morning, so I wasn’t able to do much to prep him other than grab him a couple snacks.
When we got there, we ended up going to the wrong location and therefore we didn’t get there as early as I had hoped. Fortunately, due to a last minute cast issue, we had a few minutes to settle in. A few of Everett’s friends joined us for the play which was also pretty awesome.

The first thing I noticed was just how intimate the theatre was. The stage was mere inches from where the kids were sitting and to top it off the cast frequently came out into various parts of the audience.



They had some fun kid friendly plot variations and the actors were very engaging. Everett was enthralled. We didn’t need the ear plugs, headphones, or any breaks. It was the perfect amount of time to keep his attention. The seating was stadium style rows, so it gave the kiddos plenty of room to wiggle (and even turn upside down at one point!).


As an added bonus, we got to meet the cast at the end and take photos! Everyone was amazingly friendly and accommodating. They truly did a fantastic job pulling everything together and taking everyone’s needs into consideration. I can’t wait to take him to his next play!

The post Living Life On The Spectrum: Navigating Sensory Friendly Plays appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

I’ve decided to start a new series about tips & tricks to navigating live shows when you’re taking an SPD/ASD kiddos to them. I’ll be covering both sensory and non sensory friendly shows. The posts will encompass the pros/cons of the show and how we prepared for/handled it. Our first show was Paw Patrol Live. Read below for more info about our experience.

Paw Patrol Live

This last Saturday we went and saw Paw Patrol Live, (PPL). We got lucky and were gifted media tickets from the shows marketing and publicity company.
I had taken Everett to Disney on Ice, prior to his diagnosis, and it wasn’t a horrible experience, but I wasn’t very prepared for how to address and take care of his needs, especially mid-show. This time, I wanted to see how we could improve the experience with our new tips/tricks and help others who might need it.

Pre-Show:

Prior to seeing PPL, I frequently talked to Everett about going to see the show. We talked about the dogs, their jobs, and actually seeing them in person.
Initially, we planned on making it a family day, but Finn can’t sit still longer than 30 seconds these days. Knowing that either my husband or myself would spend 90% of the show in the lobby watching babyzilla toddle around the lobby and make loud screeching noises, we decided to invite Everett’s best friend Judah and Judahs rad mom, Andi. This worked out perfectly, because:

1. Everett LOVES Judah and Andi.
2. Judah had a birthday that week and is big fan of the show (instant present!)
3. Everett is very used to playing with Judah, so Judah’s familiar presence helps to center Everett.
4. Andi goes out of her way to help accommodate and advocate for Everett.

With Judah now going, Everett was super excited and couldn’t wait to go.

Day of Show:

The morning of the show, I was running around like a crazy woman. I had to drop off and sort items for a consignment sale, nurse Finn, and get Everett ready all by 9am. Being so rushed, I didn’t think to try calming tactics or do anything other than grab his headphones, mp3 player, and my camera. When Andi arrived, we just quickly jumped in and made a beeline for the show.
On the way over, I gave both boys an Paw Patrol activity set as a prize. The souvenir toys at shows like this can be kind of pricy, so the prize pack was a super easy and cheap way to make them happy.
After getting there, Andi parked with the kiddos while I rushed over to the box office to grab tickets. I was able to score us a spot in the long line, making our wait much shorter. This proved to be a good choice, when after being in line for 2 minutes, Everett was already to starting to get overwhelmed and hitting.
Enter HEADPHONES! I put them on him and he calmed down like magic. We were given pompoms on the way in and found our seats without any issues.
We had about 10 minutes to spare, so we took a couple cute photos and chilled.

During Show:

Everett did fairly well at first. It wasn’t too dark/bright and their sounds weren’t too much. They incorporated the audience in, had the kids shake pompoms, and had a lot of fun visuals. I could tell he was starting to experience overload about 10 min prior to intermission. He refused headphones at this point, so I pulled him onto my lap and gave him gentle squeezes.
During intermission, we went to a coloring station. Everett was still acting overloaded, so I found an amazingly helpful worker who let us into a very quiet room. While she watched me do yoga poses, spins, and crazy dances with Everett, she talked to me about her niece who is on the spectrum. She seriously was the sweetest person I’ve met that recently! I asked her about the character meet and greet after and she was even able to connect us with the person in charge to upgrade our passes to become Very Important Pups!
We missed the first couple minutes of the 2nd half of the show, but getting the VIP connection was totally worth it. Everett was still a bit overloaded, but we were able to power through. The show did have streamer & confetti canons, but I was able to warn him ahead of time, so it wasn’t an issue.

After Show:

We were able to join the VIP group after the show and let me tell you, this experience was SUPER COOL for the kids. They got a bag, snacks, activities, and were able to meet Ryder, Skye, & Chase.
It was a lot less crowded and noisy so Everett did really well. Everett was stimming out excitedly when it was his turn to meet the pups. Watching the joy on his face made everything worth it!

Here is a summary of the pros/cons of the show and what I wish I had done differently.
Pros:

• Cartoons Pre-show: this helped keep Everett’s attention so he didn’t get overwhelmed.
• Coloring Activity: this was a great way to distract and focus the kiddos energy
• PomPom: the pompom was amazing for several reasons. One, it helped channel the kids energy, two it’s a fun keepsake, three Everett really enjoyed brushing his fingers through it, whiched helped him self regulate.
• Staff: everyone was very helpful and accommodating.

• Intermisson: this was a great way to have the kiddos get some wiggles out to help them make it through.

Cons/I wish I had:

• Thought to put Everett in compression clothing. I think it would’ve helped minimize the overload.
• Brought extra fidget toys. After a while, Everett started using his pompom to mess with Judah, so another fidget would’ve been helpful.
• Packed some snacks. Everett is very particular about what he eats and the lines were a bit too crowded for Everett to stand in.

Next time, I know I’ll need to do some extra prep beforehand, but I’m still pretty happy with how well he did! I’m looking forward to taking him to a sensory friendly show next time and seeing how he responds to that!

The post Living Life On The Spectrum: Navigating Live Shows appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

• The Self Stim Activities I never picked up on
  • Hand flapping
  • Word Repitition
  • Spinning Around
  • Hand Licking
  • Head Banging
• Selective Mutism
• Reverse Pronouns

Did I notice these? Yes. I wrote them all off as other things. Speech delay. Shyness. SPD. Bad days. Almost every red flag was waving, but I may as well have been color blind.
To top it off, not only do I feel completely clueless, my momma bear instincts are now at an all time high. I’m starting to resemble a full grown, hungry grizzly, that just got woken up from her nap.
Everett was completely overloaded the other night. We had gone out as a family and everything was just too much for him after awhile. When Everett gets overwhelmed he hits. EVERYONE. He gets into this hyperactive hitting stage where no one is safe from his wrath. From the outside, it looks like I am a super shit parent who can’t control her child. We try many many strategies, but most of the time, the only thing that works is removing him entirely from a situation. So back to the other night…. I was practically dragging Everett back to the car. Imagine trying to corral a drunk kangaroo that is doing it’s best to escape you and you have an idea of what I am dealing with. So here I am “dragging” this drunk kangaroo down the sidewalk to the car, while simultaneously keeping my cool. He manages to escape my clutches for 2.5 seconds and BOOM he’s hit a woman. I immediately re-constrain him and turn to apologize to her. She ignores me and addresses Everett:

Lady: “how would you like it if I hit you?”
Me: “Excuse me, please stop addressing my son. He’s sorry.”
L: ” I was talking to HIM. Do you want me to hit you? Would you like that?”
At this point I was about to lay her flat on the ground.
Me: “My child is autistic and can’t always control himself. What’s your excuse?”
L: “He’s just acting like a kid, you need to show him consequences”

At this point my husband came over and ushered me into the car. I was seeing red. I was about to lay some random woman out on the sidewalk. I finally calm down and the guilt hits. Showing another person violence is not the example I want to show my children, and giving Everett autism as an excuse for bad behavior is not acceptable. And I immediately feel like I am drowning again.
There, I’ll admit it: I have no freaking clue what I am doing. Some days I don’t even feel like an adult, much less a mother. I feel amazed that I was even let to bring not only 1 child, but 2, home with me. On the flip side, some days I do feel like super mom, but mostly I am just winging it. Fake it till you make it baby.

So why do I share my deeply personal experiences? Of course, to shout out solidarity with any other special needs parents out there who might be facing the same challenge, and to let you know you are not alone. But also to the lady who gets into his warpath. To the parent of children on the receiving end, to his teachers, and to anyone who has witnessed his struggle. I am sorry. My child is sorry. We never want to see another person hurt.
But this is also a reminder to have grace. To see they are only children, and that their behaviors are beyond their control. Know that so many of these kiddos really do mean well, but get stuck in their execution of things. That there is always more to the story than you are privy to. It’s up to us adults who DO know better and who are supposed to know how to control their actions and feelings. We CAN and SHOULD do better.

The post Struggle Bus, Party of 1 appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

My child is autistic.

There, I said it. I brought up the elephant in the room. I said the “A” word you whisper about, out loud. Yet when you say it out loud, I mentally cringe.
I wonder if I’ll ever get used to hearing someone else say it. If it will ever feel like less than a slap in the face or a slow turning knife in my gut. I wonder if catching it this early truly will help him become a functioning adult.

And I’m grieving.

I don’t care how many times people tell me autism success stories, I’m still mourning what could have been.
From the moment she receives a positive pregnancy test, a woman starts bonding with their unborn baby. She is the one who senses the flutters, kicks and jabs, as she is also the one who feels the morning sickness, sciatic nerve discomfort and for some, labor pains. In all essence, the woman is the one who knows the baby best. Dreams of the future are vivid for her from the moment she finds out that she’s having a baby. She makes up scenarios about the adventures they will go on and the amazing things they will accomplish.

What most parents of typical children don’t realize, is that no matter how much relief I get from a diagnosis, I still have to grieve the child of my dreams, and accept the child of my present. It’s a symbolic and complicated loss.

The sense of loss is complicated because the child is still present. In fact, nothing has really changed other than the confirmation of a suspected condition. The grief is real and it is further complicated with mixed emotions.

You are NEVER prepared for a diagnosis of autism.

It is painful to love so much, to want something so much, and not quite get it. It’s been frequently compared to grieving the actual loss of a child.
A parent typically goes through 7 stages after their child is given an official diagnosis:

1. Denial & Shock
2. Pain & Guilt
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. The Upward Turn
6. Working Through
7. Acceptance & Hope

I find myself rotating between steps 2 through 7 at any given time. And quite frankly, it sucks.

Evaluation Results

The staff seemed somewhat surprised my initial reaction was one of audible relief. It was as if they had expected me to break down in the conference room and cry. It was only later, when I was in my car, alone, that a swell of emotions rose within me and I felt overwhelmed — by anger, by an urgency to do something, by the jargon and acronyms of the special education world: functional performance, local education agency, IEP (individualized education program).
In reality, if there is ever a “good” autistic prognosis, Everett has it. He tested fairly normal for a kid his age, he is (mostly) friendly, somewhat verbal, and loving. He just doesn’t understand how to apply everything going on correctly. This guarantees him a spot for free therapy and an IEP. This also means our insurance should actually cover more services as well.

I’m learning that when your child is “on the spectrum,” as the lingo goes, you’re on the spectrum with them, a spectrum of good days and bad, progress and setbacks, joy and frustration. And emotions. All the emotions.

While today I may be grieving, I know it won’t be long until things get better. Like those unexpected traits, autism is just one more facet of Everett — not the defining one….even if it sounds a little scary.

The post Typical Bereavement With Atypical Diagnoses appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

• Weighted Lizard
• Marble Maze Fidget
• Calm Down Jar
• Dino Cape

From Ark Therapeutic:

• 2 chewlery Necklaces

From Various places (mostly Amazon):

• Body Sock
• Sensory Brush
• Various Fidgets

• Crazy Aarons Thinking Putty

• Homemade Sensory Slime

• CozyPhones & MP3 Player loaded up with both Sensory oriented and fun music .

• General Info on Sensory Integration and Activities

Not Pictured/Still Have To Buy:

• Resistance Bands
• Blanket
• Weighted Lap Pad
• Rewards/Charts
• List of Items in Box

I’m considering also decorating the box in a fun way, but that will depend on time.
Hopefully this will be enough to give him the headstart he needs to integrate well with his peers!

The post Back To School Break Box appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

The post The Days Are Long…. appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

If you would have asked me to describe myself before becoming a mother, I would have probably used some sort patched together vision of myself that involved words such as random, quirky, adventuresome, easy going, care-free, and fun-loving.
I always knew that I wanted to have children of my own, but I didn’t feel the need to rush it. I happily took my younger cousins and friends children on fun adventures, imagining that having my own children would be just as fun. After all, I was so care-free and fun-loving, I needed some cool mini-me sidekicks. Sidekicks who I could take to museums and answer their 5 million questions. Sidekicks who would ride roller coasters with me and get into laser tag wars. Sidekicks to do all the fun and crazy kid things with me.
What I didn’t anticipate, aside from Everett’s sensory issues, was that I had to get over my own issues first. You see, I’m actually NOT as chill and easygoing as I saw myself. It turns out, I’m an undercover anxiety ridden basket case.
Don’t get me wrong- I’m not one of those “everything has it’s place” tidy people, instead, I have weird triggers. Example: while I was pregnant, one of my best friends was visiting with her children. Her eldest, in all his inquisitiveness, asked to use an IR thermometer to measure my freezer. No big deal right? WRONG. I immediately told him no. Why? All these crazy scenarios ran through my head in the 5 seconds it took me to tell him no, leaving me with this weird tense feeling. After seeing the horrified look on my friends face and her asking me why, I stopped and realized I was being a crazy lady and let him do it. I just chalked it up to crazy pregnant lady hormones and thanked heavens that her children still loved me enough to come back and visit again!
I didn’t realize at the time, it was anxiety driven. It took me years to realize this about myself. My anxiety seems to stem from this urge to control my environment in weird ways. When Everett was born, I religiously tracked EVERYTHING- how long he slept, nursed, how many dirty diapers (and yes even poop consistency/color!), how much milk I pumped, etc. I did this for over 2, yes TWO, years. I maintained a diligent schedule with Everett, from nap times to daily structured activities. I (not so) secretly panicked when we were off schedule. Even art supplies can send me over the edge, wanting to control the chaos it can create.
After having Finn, I felt like my anxiety riddled stress was making me lose my mind. I knew I needed help.
Parenting is a difficult job and a juggling act no matter what. It requires balancing your own needs with those of your child. It involves managing your time, having adequate resources and supporting your child. And I felt like I was failing.
My kids were well loved and taken care of, but I wasn’t. I was getting more temperamental and short with them. With my husband. With myself.
My OB saw me struggling shortly after having Finn and prescribed an anti-anxiety medication, and it’s helped. I’m not “fixed” but I’m aware of my issues and how to better spot my patterns.
Last night, my eldest so wanted to “paint” like his father was. I have bath paint, and initially told him no. The paint is “so messy” and he doesn’t “play with it right” is what I was telling myself. Then I stopped and realized I was being a freaking crazy lady. Who was I to not let him experiment with $5 washable bathtub paint? It could be cleaned up in a matter of seconds, so the mess isn’t an issue. I knew that I needed to chill out and have fun with the kids. Guess what? Once I spotted the issue and addressed it, we ALL had a blast. Everett even painted Finn’s head blue, so I gave him a Mohawk to match.

This folks, is what I want my children to remember. Not their crazy basket case mom who doesn’t let them explore their creative pursuits. I thought I understood the beauty in chaos, but it turns out, I still have so much to learn. Luckily, I have 2 great, pint sized teachers!

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