“I hate you. I hate everyone. I want you to kill me. Someone needs to kill me. I don’t want to be alive anymore. Kill me now. What does blood taste like. I’m going to drink all my blood. You hate me you hate me you hate me. You don’t love me. Everyone hates me. I want to die”

Finn, Age 4 

Everything written above, was said by Finn, to me, in the span of 5 minutes this morning. This morning is our first back at OT and school since break. He’s been becoming more and more dysregulated through this holiday season. It makes sense, after all, we’ve been off schedule, off therapy, and really just off.

What is dysregulation? It is defined as the following:

“Dysregulation, also known as emotional dysregulation, refers to a poor ability to manage emotional responses or to keep them within an acceptable range of typical emotional reactions. This can refer to a wide range of emotions including sadness, anger, irritability, and frustration.”

The effects of dysregulation can be mild or severe, but in our case, as the holidays have come to a end, and as our normal schedule is supposed to resume, calling it severe is an understatement. In general, emotional dysregulation involves having emotions that are overly intense in comparison to the situation that triggered them. This can mean not being able to calm down, avoiding difficult emotions, or focusing your attention on the negative. Most people with emotional dysregulation also behave in an impulsive manner when their emotions (fear, sadness, or anger) are out of control.

As I sit here and write this, I begin to feel the guilt creep in. I know I handled this mornings outbursts poorly. I feel like I’ve  been stuck in a hurricane of my children’s volatile emotions, and that has slowly chipped at my patience. I struggled this morning, as I’ve been struggling the past 2 weeks. Struggled with screaming at the kids “why don’t you have shoes on yet? I’ve asked 48 times!” “We’ve got to go! We are running late!” “Can you please for the love of all things, just put on your dang coat?!? GUYS WE ARE RUNNING LATE!”

I know this sounds like a typical parents morning, but the majority of them don’t have 2 dysregulated children,  one of whom is taking turns playing dead on the ground with screaming back at you they want to die and hate everyone, while the other tries to hit you and screams “this is the worst day of their life” and slams doors/hits the walls.

I know when the adult is dysregulated, the chances of the kids getting regulated are slim to none. Typically my children rely on me to be their emotional regulator, so when I’m not regulated, utter chaos breaks out. We are all left drained. Empty. Sad. Disappointed.

I know it won’t be long until we are snuggling again, but it definitely takes longer for the pain from these moments to fade. However, I live for the good moments in between. I try to keep the memories of the happy and fun times in my head, as a balm to ease the tougher days.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy, but rather insight. To show those of you who struggle with mood disorders, either with yourself, child, spouse, etc, that you’re not alone. For those of you who don’t have this struggle, but who could use a reminder to give a little extra patience to the woman or kid who is a little short with you today.

The post “I Hate Everyone. Kill Me Now” appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

What Is Endometriosis?

Endometriosis is a disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus causing chronic, debilitating pain and menstrual irregularities. It affects around 1 in 10 individuals during their reproductive years. That is about 176 million people worldwide and counting. Because endometriosis is a full body disease, it has the potential to spread to other places in the body outside of the reproductive organs such as the chest cavity, lungs, liver, kidneys, bladder and bowels. It has been found everywhere except the spleen.

Despite symptoms like crippling pain, fainting, vomiting, pain with sex, severe bloating/”endo belly”, bladder spasms, etc, the only way to officially diagnose endometriosis or adenomyosis is surgery. And no, surgery is not a cure. Many sufferers go on to have multiple surgeries because the disease often comes back. Even a hysterectomy doesn’t guarantee that endometrial tissue won’t start growing in places it’s not supposed to again.

To top that off, there is also a possibility of developing adenomyosis, the sister disease to endometriosis, which is when endometrial cells exist or grow into the uterine wall. Both physically AND mentally debilitating diseases, endometriosis and adenomyosis are listed in the top 10 most painful illnesses to have. Both diseases are still being researched and examined to find a definite cause. And while there are various treatments and ways to alleviate pain and symptoms, there is no cure.

Many people are unaware that there are three different types of endometriosis and there are four different stages (I-minimal, II-mild, III-moderate, and IV-severe). Although this is good information to know, no particular stage determines the amount of pain or symptoms an individual may experience at any given time. Women can go years undiagnosed, and still be a stage I or have milder symptoms and be a stage IV. The main issue with stages III & IV is how it impacts your fertility.

And this is where my journey begins.

My Endometriosis Saga

I was 31 when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I had been suffering for almost 3 years by the time of my diagnosis. This is my story of how endometriosis has impacted my life.

Prior to my issues starting, my periods were eerily predictable. Every 28-30 days lasting 5-7 days like clockwork. Then something changed. I feel like that change was triggered by using birth control. I remember my first incident- I had a period that lasted from April 27th until July 6th. Yes, you read that right- just over 2 months. At the beginning of July I decided to stop using my birth control and BOOM, my period stopped.

I made the decision to just try to track my periods and use the “natural planning” method for birth control to hopefully fix the issue. I started tracking my ovulation in August, buying a ovulation monitoring kit. I wanted to test daily over the next couple of months to figure out if I had a pattern or if it was going to still be as weird as it was when I was on birth control. My August period was barely there- basically 2-ish days of spotting then nothing. I figured I had already had such a long period that it was going to take some time to even out.

Toward the end of the month my LH numbers (what ovulation kits measure) slowly increased. I figured this was a “spike” and kept testing daily to see how long it would last. Imagine my surprise when after a week it still showed I was ovulating. Typically a surge only lasts 36-ish hours. On a whim I took a pregnancy test and walla! It was positive.

Quite frankly, I was shocked. Apparently my August “period” was implantation bleeding. I was scared, nervous, and cautiously excited. Sadly, before the end of September, I lost the baby.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I won’t go into details, but I ended up having to switch doctors and go through 3 procedures before my medical issues were fully resolved. We also had announced to family & friends, so having to reiterate the loss multiple times and be the recipient of sad looks felt like a punch in the gut each time. However awful those looks made me feel, it was worse when they didn’t “get” it. I still am haunted by a colleague who said “I don’t get why you’re still so upset. I mean you were barely pregnant, so really there wasn’t much to get attached to. Why not just move on and try again?”

That December, my husband & I decided to relocate to Atlanta. This ended up being one of the worst decisions we could have made. With no job, no support network, and unknowingly facing months of infertility, I started slipping into a deep depression-a depression I’m still fighting to overcome. I desperately wanted to become pregnant again, but my periods were becoming increasingly painful and unpredictable. I tried supplements, working out, etc- nothing worked. Each cycle yielded the same results: a negative pregnancy test. I became so bitter and haunted by the pain of those negative tests, that when a sweet friend told me about her pregnancy that following summer, all I said was “that’s nice” and walked away seething. I still feel guilty about how I responded years later.

I started working with an doctor in May, and by fall 2013 it was determined that I had endometriosis. We started the treatment/diagnosis process with a laparoscopic surgery. It was scary and unclear if this would solve my issues or if they would even find anything wrong. I remember being terrified that they wouldn’t find anything, meaning it was all in my head, or that they would find something that was even worse than endometriosis.

After surgery, I was diagnosed with stage III endometriosis. He went on to tell me that this is likely why I had been unable to get pregnant again and it could have even been the cause of my miscarriage. He also cautioned that if I was to get pregnant, that my chances of having a c-section or pregnancy complications would be higher.

Still, I pressed on. After a few weeks of recovery, I went back to the doctor. My hormone levels still weren’t ideal for conception, so I was given fertility treatments. The treatments had some miserable side effects, but I was determined to see it through.

The first round was a dud, however, the 2nd round looked much more promising- I had several follicles that were healthy looking and ready. I was visiting my mom that Christmas and came down with a nasty cold. It was still pretty early to find out if I was pregnant or not, but I decided to try a test *just in case*. There was the faintest barely there line. I wasn’t even sure it wasn’t my eyes playing a trick on me. We went to the doctor to get medicine and they gave me another test. It was still faint, but they confirmed it was an early positive. I was so excited I didn’t even care that I was sick. Sadly, Fredric wasn’t with me, (he had already gone back due to work), so for the second time, I had to tell him I was pregnant long distance!

I was nervous wreck after finding out this time. I didn’t want to wait until I was back with Fredric to do an ultrasound-I NEEDED to know immediately if this was a viable pregnancy. I made an appointment at a local office and went with my mother. Hearing Everett’s heartbeat for the first time was one of the most magical experiences I’ve ever had. Though hearing his heartbeat gave me reassurance, I still worried constantly. I kept thinking I would somehow lose him or he wasn’t going to develop correctly. This time I refused to share or post about the pregnancy until I was almost to my 2nd trimester. I insisted on extra/early testing, just to make sure he was healthy and that he was growing normally. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy by any means, and I’m pretty sure the anxiety I had developed over the last 2 years of loss & infertility has never completely gone away.

Moving Forward

During this journey the worry about endometriosis always hung over my head. It was like this horrible nagging voice that would rear it’s ugly head any time I thought about trying to have a baby again. Thankfully, pregnancy & breastfeeding usually reduces the symptoms and spread of endometriosis due to your lack of period and the increase in progesterone, so I had a nice break from dealing with it.

Despite waiting until the day the pain would come back and start tormenting me again, I was happy with Everett and decided that being “one and done” actually worked out perfectly for us.

In January 2017, I took a pregnancy test in solidarity with a friend who was worried she was pregnant. Apparently the fates decided that they weren’t done throwing us curveballs, so while her test was negative, mine was a resounding positive. This time I wasn’t “joyous.” I was unprepared and shocked with just how simple it was to get pregnant with Finn. I was scared- my pregnancy with Everett was hard. Everett was also starting to really show signs that something unusual was going on with him. I essentially spent the whole first and part of the second trimester not really acknowledging my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I went to appointments and didn’t “deny” my pregnancy, but rather, I didn’t “celebrate” it. I pushed forward full steam and eventually got my self to the point where I started spotting from overdoing myself. That spotting made me realize just how much I wanted another baby and how lucky I was that I didn’t have to suffer through another infertility cycle.

So What Now?

As of this morning, I was inspired to write this blog because my endometriosis is back. I had almost 6 years with “normal” periods thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding, but unfortunately, the excruciating pain and ridiculously heavy period is back. I would venture to say that my period is actually worse now than it was.

Oddly, my periods are following a more “regular” cycle length, though they can still vary from 27-40 days, they are typically around 31 days. However, the last few months I’m seeing an increase of what is best described as a “mini” period in between my “regular” periods. My bleeding gets so severe that I suffer from vertigo, iron issues, cold-like symptoms, and don’t get me started on the pain.

Oddly, or maybe thankfully, some of my periods are manageable, and I’m able to continue being a mom with the use of NSAIDs over the course of the first few days of my cycle. Some are much harder than that. All I’m able to do is get from the bed to the couch. These are the days that I’m especially thankful for Fredric. I know that I’ll likely need another one to two surgeries in the near future, which now that I’m a mother is even more scary.

I never wanted to be a woman with chronic pain. I certainly never wanted to be a mother with chronic pain. But I truly believe we’re all shaped by our experiences. The bad days help me appreciate the good days. My boys are learning how to be gentle with me when I’m feeling down-and seeing them learn to be nurturing is a reward on it’s own.

I’m just thankful that my good days still far outweigh the bad.

The post Motherhood Uncensored: Coping With Endometriosis appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

When most people think of skateboarding, their first thoughts are usually something along the lines of misfit teens, punk rock, or maybe even guys like Tony Hawk. What they don’t think about, is just how amazing skateboarding is for kids who need occupational therapy. Kids like Everett, who are on the autism spectrum. Kids like Finn, who need help with impulse control. So today I’m going to highlight the awesome benefits of skateboarding for kids with special needs.

Surprising Benefits of Skateboarding

From the time children with autism are toddlers, they are placed into Occupational Therapy which is needed to develop motor, proprioceptive, vestibular skills and more. Skateboarding offers nearly every component of Occupational Therapy, which is why many of these children “crave” to skateboard. It stimulates parts of their brain that trigger focus, hand-eye coordination, and more. Here are just a few of the health benefits:

• Coordination – Skateboarding improves hand, eye, leg and feet coordination. When skateboarding, you need to alter your movements so you skate smoothly and accurately.
• Pain Tolerance – Other sports improve your pain tolerance, but learning how to skateboard includes constantly falling, tripping, cutting your knees and elbows, etc. Believe it or not, this helps to improve your tolerance and build up resilience.
• Stress Relief – Stresses consume people, even kids, all the time. Skateboarding is an avenue to relieve some of those stresses or frustrations.
• Precision – Skateboarding takes a lot of precision to master. You are constantly adjusting weight from one direction to another, switching your speed, and, when good enough, perfecting tricks.
• Reflexes – This one ties together with coordination. When falling or stopping quickly, you need to have quick reflexes to brace yourself or prevent a collision from happening. You learn quickly that running into a railing is not ideal.
• Patience/Behavior Management– Skateboarding, like other sports, requires an immense amount of patience. You will not be the next Tony Hawk after your first time on the board. Falling countless times, missing that tricky bend, and hitting that awesome trick will test your patience time after time. When a skateboarder is having a bad day, annoyed with the world, feels like he could punch through a brick wall what does he do? He skateboards. Same as kids with autism, when their impulse control is almost lost, their anxiety is through the roof, and the screaming and crying is about to begin, break out the skateboard and you’ll find that it helps them work through their current behaviors.
• Social Development- skateboarding allows those who struggle with normal social interaction interact with peers on the level the individual feels most comfortable with.

Skateboarding offers many components similar to occupational therapy such as focusing on motor, vestibular and proprioceptive skills. Saturday skateboarding lessons are quickly becoming one of the boys favorite things to do. Both boys have a weak core and crave high impact activities. Everett has poor motor planning and balance issues, while Finn has poor impulse control and anger issues. Skateboarding is helping tremendously with both. Learning self/impulse control and behavior management is a huge part in why I decided to start the boys with lessons. And perhaps, most importantly, it’s also pretty freaking fun!

Skateboarding has had such a amazing impact on kids with autism that there are several nonprofits that have been created to help connect and introduce skateboarding to those the spectrum. There are even studies that have popped up specifically to research the correlation of brain activity and heart rate between autism and skateboarding. It’s even been approved as an acceptable form of occupational therapy in several states.

Hopefully, with these studies and nonprofits, skateboarding will no longer be looked at as a rebellious pasttime by those who don’t understand it and more funding would be available for using skateboarding as a therapy rather that funding just another information autism organization out there.

I know that right now, the boys have found an outlet they both love and I couldn’t be happier with their awesome teacher and their continued progress. I hope they continue to find joy in skateboarding and that the benefits continue to carryover into other aspects of their lives.

The post Skateboarding On The Spectrum appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

“I want to die. I don’t love you anymore and you’re not my friend anymore. I hate you.” These are about the last things you’d ever want to hear your child say to you, though you might expect it from an overly emotional teen. Unfortunately, I don’t have a teen and these words were screamed at me by my three year old, Finn.

Finn was recently diagnosed with ODD. ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder might be a term you’re not so familiar with. A quick Google search defines ODD as:  an ongoing pattern of behavior that is characterized by anger, irritability, as well as argumentative and defiant behavior towards those in authoritative positions. I’m guessing that sounds like every 3, 4 and maybe 5 year old out there to you, right?  Well, not so much.

If you go on to read further, this behavior can be something that kids only exhibit at home or at school, maybe not both. Also, it lasts for a long time, and happens quite frequently. More so than your typical child, even toddlers, as crazy as they are. And this is where I’d like share my story of being a mother to a child with ODD.

Donning My Armor

We’ve been dealing with the “I hate you’s” for a couple months now, but the “I want to die” is new, and it HURTS. Quite frankly,, living with and loving Finn is painful and hard. You have to develop a thick skin, or you’ll quickly devolve into tears. It feels akin to being in an abusive relationship- you never know what will trigger the next explosion, so you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

Before you rush to judgments and try to tell me that Finn “seems normal” or that he’s just “high spirted” so it clearly must be my parenting, I ask that you try to put yourself in my shoes. Raising Everett is tricky, but it’s nothing compared to Finn. Everett had clear issues that I was able to work with at home and therapy. He thrived once he started getting therapy, and unless you spend significant time with Everett, you may not even realize he’s on the autism spectrum. Finn is, for lack of better words, utterly chaotic.

I find myself dreading the simplest tasks with him. Taking him to a playground or friends house is a constant struggle. He manages to make EVERY SINGLE THING into a weapon. Sticks, blocks, trains, etc. I’m constantly waiting to see which child will be his next target. When he’s corrected, he frequently screams “I hate you” and I feel the eyes of other parents staring at me, silently judging.

Don’t get me wrong, he can be the sweetest and cutest child. He loves being snuggled by me and tells me the sweetest things about how much he loves me, but the second I say or do anything that upsets him, boom, the Finn bomb explodes with vitriol. I’m dodging toys while he screams insults at me, all because I asked him to do something simple, like pick up a toy.  And this goes on all day.  Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.

No matter how well I put together my emotional armor, he still finds a way to get through my cracks. I’m to the point where I’ve officially been emotionally beat down. The thought of doing anything with him fills me with anxiety. I dread the thought of him getting older and even more potentially violent. I worry constantly about his future and if we will get lucky and he’ll “grow out” of it.

Don’t get me started on the mom guilt side either…You think to yourself, “Gosh, I’m such a horrible mom, I dread the park because I can’t just let him play, what’s WRONG with me”? And then things are bad, and you cry.  And you feel so angry, and sad, and resentful.  And hurt. You’re so hurt, that the next time your child wants to be with you, hug you, love you, it’s hard.  Because you’re a human being with feelings, and it’s hard to let go.  So then, you feel guilty. You feel guilty that you resent this child that you do love SO much, but that you don’t feel like “liking.” And then you find yourself pulling away. Because you’re scared of those feelings. So, somewhere, in the back of your psyche, subconsciously, you pull away.  Shut down. Try not to feel because it’s too much. You feel alone.  Isolated.  People don’t understand.

You’re even at the point that when someone says, “I bet you love being a stay at home mom,” you feel angry. They’ve said nothing wrong, but in the back of your mind, you’re thinking, “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH”?  But, they don’t really know, do they?

“He Looks Normal”

The rub of all of this? He presents so typical for short periods of time that I am already having issues getting him help through our school system. From the outside, things look OK. Here’s this beautiful, thoughtful, highly intelligent little boy, who can act like an angel for strangers. Can charm and be friends with any child around him. At home, that same child can be verbally mean, physically abusive, manipulative, and so defiant that asking anything of them is almost pointless. So, people think you’re overreacting. That you’re just overly sensitive to normal childhood behavior.  And you start to think that maybe you are crazy.  Not good enough. Inadequate. That it’s your fault. 

There’s a Jekyll and Hyde situation going on. And nobody sees. And you can convince yourself that nobody cares and that you’re not going to make it. And if I’m being honest, I’m feeling like that most days.

Moving Forward

Right now, we’re in the trenches. Fighting every day, living our truth, being honest, getting help, and doing what we need to do to survive. That means getting him even more therapy and better methods for interacting with him.

We just had him screened and he didn’t meet the qualifications for general special needs, so we are having to get him tested for other issues his pediatrician thinks he may have.  It’s so frustrating to know that he’s suffering from an invisible diagnosis and we can’t seem to get him the help that we so clearly need.

However, our story with Finn is just starting. I’m hoping it has a happy ending, but the harsh reality is that around 40% of children diagnosed with ODD don’t grow out of it and out of that 40%, half of them eventually develop antisocial personality disorder. So I’m going to fight like hell to try to avoid that path. I’m going to do what needs to be done to try to give him every tool he can use to battle this, and, I’m going to tell his story.

Why tell his story? People deserve to know it. Right now, I’m treading water, and sometimes find it overwhelming to do anything more, so I hope this reaches some people that are maybe struggling like I am. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. Hearing the words, “I know what you’re going through” have such enormous power.

Welcome to our journey with Finn.

The post I Want To Die appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

Recently, I experienced my first real taste of anti-vax cyber bullying. She essentially accused me of causing Everett’s autism.

And she didn’t stop there. So tonight, I’d like to address her vitriol with a few rebuttals. Unfortunately, I wasn’t truly able to respond the way I wanted to under her comments. She chose a post that is currently being promoted by an amazing company I’m working with. Instead, I turned to my support groups. I asked for advice and virtual hugs, and they didn’t let me down. Some of my fellow moms became keyboard warriors in my honor. Thank you again for being so kind. Their kind words and support gave me the confidence and desire to write this rebuttal. I will post segments of screenshots below and my responses. She had a long rant, so buckle your seatbelts and grab some popcorn for this wild ride!

Vaccine Knowledge

Shockingly yes, I can! I actually could list more if you’d like! Sorbitol, sodium phosphate, sucrose, sodium chloride, gelatin, and many many more based on which vaccine you’re getting. I know some of the ingredients may be controversial, but they are given in such small doses that it’s safe for the majority of the population. Believe it or not, I actually researched vaccines, vaccination schedules, and side effects thoroughly. My best friend actually kind of falls into the anti-vaccine camp, shocking I know. However, she provided me with a ton of her research and points of view. I took alllll of that into consideration, as well as the information I found, and advice from medical professionals. I decided that vaccines were right for us. Initially, I did a delayed schedule for Everett to make sure he didn’t have negative side effects or reactions, but other than a little crankiness, he did just fine! I’m happy to trust those who have actual medical degrees with giving my children vaccinations. I still look over each vaccine, side effects, and schedule, but so far, the doctors recommendations have been spot on.

Vaccines Cause Autism

Can we please, for the love of God, stop beating this dead horse?

VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM.

There is ZERO scientific evidence that vaccines cause autism. The one doctor, or should I say former doctor, that made this claim lost his license for his false allegations. Vaccines, in general, are the safest and most cost effective preventative treatment one can get. Also, what about the children with autism, seizures, and other horrible childhood illnesses that have never had a vaccine? What about the millions of people who have had vaccinations and have had no complications? Yes vaccine injuries have occurred, but it’s the minority, not the majority. And I repeat there is ZERO medical based evidence that vaccines cause autism!

Autism Isn’t A Trend

First, what type of unkind, cruel hearted person would wish a child to develop seizures? It’s not a special ability, and it’s certainly not a laughing matter. Seizures are scary, unpredictable, and sometimes fatal. Secondly, autism isn’t trendy. I live my life in a constant state of semi-panic over what will come next. Will he hit that child who is crying? Bite the next kid who sings too loudly? Throw his brother off the bed because he doesn’t want him to be in his space? I never know what’s coming and what his future will hold. It’s scary. It’s nerve wracking. Everett isn’t my accessory. He’s a living, breathing, loving, and loud boy. I would LOVE for his life to be easier and for him to not have the challenges autism presents. I didn’t hope for some “trendy” diagnosis, as a matter of fact, I actually mourned what could have been when he was diagnosed. He’s was and still is a beautiful soul.

Oh and by the way, we aren’t on welfare, and having a child with autism doesn’t automatically mean you qualify for welfare or any other supplemental disability benefits. It costs us over 5 grand a year, just for his basic therapy sessions. 5 grand that neither insurance, grants, or government assistance can help with. 5 grand that could be going into our dream home or savings account. That 5 grand is just the tip of the iceberg. Prior to starting pre-k, we also had childcare costs, home therapy tools, and the special foods he would eat. If this is a fad, it’s a pretty damn expensive one.

Scary Anti-Vaxxer Math

Let’s be clear, not only do I hate math, I also suck at it. However, even in my limited capacity, the math here doesn’t add up. Everett & Finn are both recieving the same number of vaccines. That number is NOT 74. Not even close. Quite simply, the whole 72-74 vaccine number is a propaganda tool and scare tactic. Children currently receive 13 vaccines that are designed to protect them from 16 preventable diseases. If you include boosters and a yearly flu vaccine, (which by the way we skip), you’re looking at a max of 54 doses by the age of 18. Several of these vaccines are combined, such as MMR. If you’re trying to figure out where the number in the 70’s came from, it’s from them counting vaccines that are combined (like MMR) individually as well as including the doses a pregnant woman receives. So no, I didn’t notice a jump in vaccines, because there was no radical jump. If you actually look at the math and immunization schedule, you could easily verify this for yourself.

I’m more interested in my kids clothes than injecting them with cancer? Wow. I’ll be honest here, it sounds like you’re just trying to throw shade here because you might be jealous of my kids rad wardrobe. I get it- I’m jealous too! They look hella cute and have cooler clothes than I’ll ever have, but to insinuate that I care more about their appearance than their health is pretty despicable. However, I’m pretty sure that we already established that vaccines also don’t cause cancer, so let’s move on.

It’s 2019, Name-calling Isn’t Okay

Wow. You really went there are dropped the “R” word. Did you perhaps miss the memo that it’s 2019 and using words like that aren’t socially acceptable? I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, and instead share some awareness with you. Those who are in the special needs community prefer to use respectful people first language. You see, words carry weight. Language affects attitudes and attitudes affect actions. Words, like the “R” word, are what lead to the horror stories you read about. The ones about the unfortunate people in the special needs community being taken advantage of and abused. So please be mindful of your words, you never know who is listening and learning from your misinformation and bigotry. Also, just to remind you, VACCINES DON’T CAUSE AUTISM. They do however cause adults. Here is a handy little infograph for you.

Everett’s Future

Wow. There is so much to unpack here that I almost don’t know where to begin. Let’s start with passing laws to euthanize those with special needs. There are ZERO countries where euthanizing a human being is legal. ZERO. There have been talks about it, but ultimately it is a gross violation of basic human rights. That aside, my child has autism. He isn’t a burden to myself or society. Do we have struggles? Yes. Do we let our struggles define us? No. I’d like you to show me one parent who hasn’t struggled with their child at some point.

Also, it seems like you may not entirely understand what autism is. Autism is a neurological spectrum disorder. A SPECTRUM. Meaning that symptoms and the degree of those symptoms can vary widely from person to person. We’re lucky, Everett is fairly high functioning, but even if he wasn’t, euthanizing wouldn’t be an option. Having autism doesn’t automatically make you more or less intelligent. IQ isn’t a part of autism, it’s part of being a human being. Please don’t make assumptions about a child’s intelligence level without actually knowing the said childs capabilities.

If You Don’t Have Ssomething Nice To Say….

Last, but not least, if you don’t have kind words to say, or if you don’t know the full story, please keep your opinions to yourself. Cyberbullying is no joke. I’m an adult, and it upset me to see such horrible things written in regards to my child and myself. Imagine what our children have to endure in today’s digital age.

Here are a few handy statistics:

It’s scary to consider the weight your words carry, especially digitally, where typical societal norms and decency standards seem to get tossed out the window. Despite your personal biases, try to remember that the person on the other side of the the screen, is a real living being, that’s not so different from yourself.

The post “It’s Your Fault That Your Child Is Autistic” appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

What is Sensory Processing Disorder?

Sensory Processing Disorder is a condition in which the brain has trouble receiving and responding to information that comes in through the senses.
What does this mean?
Some kids seem to have trouble handling the information their senses take in—things like sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell. Besides these common senses, there are also two other less well known ones that can be affected—proprioception, or a sense of body awareness, and vestibular sense, which involves movement, balance, and coordination. Everett’s biggest issues are with proprioception, vestibular, sound, and touch. He has a few mild issues with taste, sight, and smell, but not enough that it would classify him as having SPD. We sought a diagnosis after he had issues interacting with his peers, and the above mentioned issues were severe enough to warrant a diagnosis.
Essentially, kids with sensory processing issues experience too much or too little stimulation through these senses.
They may also have difficulty integrating sensory information—for example, when Everett hears a child crying, his first response is to hit them to “turn them off” rather than comfort them. He literally can’t process their feelings while they are making so much noise.

Everett’s Signs & Symptoms

Comparing your child to Everett for diagnosis could be spot on, or completely off. SPD exhibits in a wide variety of ways, so the list below is just an idea.

• Overly anxious with large crowds of children. Will stand off to the side instead of playing.
• Overly aggressive with peers during play. Doesn’t understand his own strength.
• Doesn’t tolerate loud noises well.
• Loves jumping, bumping and crashing activities.
• Craves fast, spinning and/or intense movement.
• Loves being tossed in the air and jumping on furniture and trampolines.
• Has an extremely high tolerance for pain.
• Has trouble understanding where their body is in relation to other objects or people.
• Has extreme food aversions.
• Wants to wear certain items nonstop (like shoes or his stripey pants).
• Delayed fine motor skills (ex handwriting techniques, catching a ball, etc).
• Has difficulty self-regualting.
• Has a weak core.
• Walks on his tip toes.
• Has difficulty with transitions and often gets “stuck” on repeat “I do it!” “I want XYZ!”

Yes, some of these are “normal” behaviors for your typical 3 year old. What stood out, was the severity of the above mentioned signs. Those in addition to his speech delay can cause a lot of issues, but he is also crazy smart and talented in other areas.

Frequent Questions

When did you notice Everett had issues?
Around the time he was a year old. He wasn’t as vocal as he should’ve been.
Does SPD overlap with a lot of things/ is he autistic?
Yes, SPD is part of many diagnosis, such as autism, adhd, Aspergers, etc, but you can have SPD without other conditions. About 1 in 20 kids have SPD. We suspect Everett might be autistic, but at this time he hasn’t been diagnosed.
How do you get a diagnosis?
Talk with your pediatrician. They can refer you to an occupational therapist who can test your child. After testing, they will send their results back to the pediatrician for a formal diagnosis.
How do you manage his SPD?
We go to an occupational therapist weekly who helps teach him (and myself) methods for coping both at home and when we are out. She works with him on strengthing his core, and helps catch him up in other areas, such as food therapy. We also do a lot of therapeutic work at home. It’s a constant and ongoing process, and no I’m not always 100% on top of my game! We have good days and bad.

Other Resources:

I used a few websites to help me navigate what SPD was and where Everett fell. Here are a couple:
Sensory Checklist: This link was super helpful in narrowing down the areas Everett needed help in.
The Star Institute: This website has numerous tips and information on everything SPD related.

The post Resources & Steps To Getting Your Child An SPD Diagnosis appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how we knew something wasn’t quite right with Everett and how we came to get him diagnosed with SPD, so I figured I would kind of give a little more backstory to what led us to this point!Everett started out being the world’s chillest baby. The kid barely cried and wasn’t super vocal at all. Being my first, I just thought I got crazy lucky and had a calm baby. My mother mentioned that he should be way more vocal than he was, but being my first, I just brushed it off to him putting so much attention into learning his physical milestones first. He was always super advanced in that area. He was sitting by 3 months, crawling by 4.5 months, walking by 9, etc. He always seemed to hit physical milestones crazy fast, (a trait that still holds true), but he was rapidly falling behind in other ways.
I remember watching a video of a friend who also had a 15 month old at the time identifying the alphabet and when I looked up, Everett (Who barely had 5 words at the time), was playing with poop. Yes ???. Way to hammer that point home little buddy! ?
As the months went by after that, his aggression towards his peers was steadily getting worse. It got so bad that one of his little friends would run away from him scared, crying every time he saw Everett. We chalked this up to him not being able to voice his thoughts well, and finally managed to get him into early intervention for speech therapy.
His speech therapist wasn’t that amazing, but with a lot of work from us, he started slowly catching up. His aggression still wasn’t going away though.
Everything sent him over the edge: his hair cut, his nails clipped, his teeth brushed, his shoes on, I even had to make sure foods were presented in the right shape or he wouldn’t eat it.
By this point we had an idea he might have sensory processing disorder, but we weren’t sure.
While I was pregnant with Finn, we decided to enroll him into the Waldorf School for the summer to give me a little break and to help socialize him better with his peers. His teachers were so patient with him, but by the end of summer they basically told us that he couldn’t come back until he had a diagnosis and a plan, due to the fact he was so rough on his peers and disruptive.
Yep. That’s right, Everett basically got kicked out of his first school. ?‍
His teacher there gave us the contact info for several local therapists, and after calling around it seemed like it would take us months to even get seen.
I remember crying and feeling so defeated, (mind you I was also 8 months pregnant at this time), that it would take so long to even get him diagnosed. Then, by some crazy miracle, we managed to get an opening with one of the top therapists in the area within days. We got his diagnosis, and FINALLY some answers! This lead to another referral with the OT we currently see, with our first appointment starting when little Finn was only a week old!
We still struggle, A LOT, but it’s nice to finally have answers. Every day it’s a battle. I have a constant fear of how he will act with his peers when we go out (he loves smacking peoples butts ?‍) and will hit any kid in his “territory” or if they are crying. And being 3, he’s also constantly testing boundaries. However, he also provides me with endless smiles and sweet cuddles. I love being his mom, even if I don’t love all of his behaviors!

The post Everett’s Story appeared first on Not So SuperMom VS Society.